Why hello. How long have you been here? Apparently longer than I have. Life has been hectic in the past couple of months. A number of things have transpired since the last post. For starters, I am officially a doctor now! This thought still frightens me. I've actually spent the last 7 days straight in orientation to start my residency and I am now certified in Basic Life Support, Advanced Cardiac Life Support, and Advanced Trauma Life Support. With all these credentials behind me, my real job starts in 3 days. Now mind you, the last time I saw a patient and worked in an actual hospital was sometime in early March. Well when Wednesday (Doomsday) rolls around I will stroll into the hospital a new (albeit slightly dumber) man than the last time I entered.
To salt the wound a little more, my first shift will last approximately 30 hours. Yes, I managed to draw the short straw and will have to take call my very first day as a resident. This thought literally makes my little butt hole quiver. I will be running around the hospital all night answering 4 pagers trying to ensure patients that I barely know survive until morning. Oh, and by the way...when I'm not on the floor you can find me in the Trauma bay stapling belligerent drunks heads shut. The more I think about it, the faster I feel my heart beat. I guess I can't complain too much because there will be 120 residents in our hospital alone with that similar feeling in their stomachs. So I won't be the only person wandering the hospital like a lost puppy. I just hope my patients ask me about my thoughts on Iron Chef America and not the doses of their Warfarin. That way they are likely to get a more educated answer.
To Be Continued...
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Daddy Day Care
Well it has been quite awhile since I posted last. I apologize for the lack of internet superciliousness (yeah I just used the thesaurus on that one) in my absence. However, it has been Little Bunny Foo Foo and Me for the past month. You see, I finished my credits last month and instead of paying for The Cryptkeeper to come and watch our baby...I do it myself for a nominal fee. I have to admit, its a pretty sweet job. The Foof just happens to like all the things I like. For example, I love to nap. Miraculously, so does she! I've never fallen in love so quickly. The rest of our day consists of eating, walks around the neighborhood, and my playing the guitar while she smiles and plays with her toys. She loves to be sung to.
We do all this amongst the chaos of our townhouse. You see we just bought a house two weeks ago, so all of our belongings are packed away in boxes. Yesterday I got half way through making dinner to realize all the baking sheets had been packed. Note to self, paper plates are not the same as baking sheets. In case you were wondering, our fire alarm works fine.
Even though buying a house is very satisfying, it has been a very frustrarting process. Since we closed not one thing has gone smoothly. We hired someone to put wooden slats on the fence. Simple job one would think. We he didn't cut the wood so the wood extended 2 feet above the concrete pillars. Then our tile guy said it would take him 4 days to complete the tile. Well its almost been two weeks and he hasn't worked the past 3 days. Yesterday I couldn't even get him to pick up his cell phone. Then to top it all off, every time I go over to see the progress I have to pick up Bud Light cans strewn all over the premises. It seems every time I put The Foof down for a nap, I spend the entire time on the phone with installers making sure they are actually at the house working. My life has truly become a real life Daddy Day Care. The shocker is, I'm only taking care of one toddler.
We do all this amongst the chaos of our townhouse. You see we just bought a house two weeks ago, so all of our belongings are packed away in boxes. Yesterday I got half way through making dinner to realize all the baking sheets had been packed. Note to self, paper plates are not the same as baking sheets. In case you were wondering, our fire alarm works fine.
Even though buying a house is very satisfying, it has been a very frustrarting process. Since we closed not one thing has gone smoothly. We hired someone to put wooden slats on the fence. Simple job one would think. We he didn't cut the wood so the wood extended 2 feet above the concrete pillars. Then our tile guy said it would take him 4 days to complete the tile. Well its almost been two weeks and he hasn't worked the past 3 days. Yesterday I couldn't even get him to pick up his cell phone. Then to top it all off, every time I go over to see the progress I have to pick up Bud Light cans strewn all over the premises. It seems every time I put The Foof down for a nap, I spend the entire time on the phone with installers making sure they are actually at the house working. My life has truly become a real life Daddy Day Care. The shocker is, I'm only taking care of one toddler.
Friday, February 06, 2009
Tales from the Crypt?
You know as a parent, you quickly become incredibly protective. Especially fathers. It's your job to chase the ghosts from the closet, use your shoe to kill daddy long legs, and keep unwanted strangers away from your family...especially your kids. The Foof is growing by leaps and bounds and our family is changing everyday with her. This week we faced a very unique challenge. A Nanny. Yes, apparently you need to actually go to the hospital whilest in medical school (Mind you, this is something I have avoided since early November). In addition to that, the Hunny Bunny actually has to work since I actually pay thousands of dollars to show up and work 90 hours a week (makes sense to me). So our ability to pay the bills and have insurance rests on the Hunny Bunnies cute, furry shoulders. This of course leaves us with one small (albeit very cute) dilemma. What does The Foof do during the day? Our options included dropping her off at the local daycare, a zestpool of germs, snot, and poo. We would have to take her in the back everyday and hose her off so the stench wouldn't peel the paint off of our walls. We decided against that. Option 2 (my personal favorite) was to leave her at home with Zed and Ari. They are very attentive and this was the actual reason I invested in two dogs for in the first place. However, this argument was quickly vetoed. So this left us with only one choice. A Nanny.
We used and agency since searching the funny pages for Nannies lead to multiple dead end ads of people who lived in a van and offered free mammograms with their nanny-ing service. Shady. Very Shady. Well Wednesday came and I was very pleased with the nanny we had. She could care less that I was still there getting ready. She was all about Little Bunny Foo Foo. She will be coming back next week. However, on Thursday said nanny was unavailable. We had to request another. As I was eating breakfast, I looked up to observe our new nanny walking up our driveway. This is literally what I saw:
Needless to say, I was worried. This nanny was old and I questioned her competence as well as her hearts ability to actually circulate blood to the rest of her body . She quickly put the baby down and while I was eating and tried to relate every minute detail from the year Nineteen Dickety-Two. She rehearsed how she would fight off sabertooth tigers for food, invented fire, and meet the great General Washington at her log house. I didn't doubt that she did all of these things but now wondered if she would ever stop talking so I could finish getting ready for work. I came home as soon as I could worried that I would have to dust off my own CPR training on my own nanny (whom ironically comes CPR certified). Thankfully, all was well and The Foof was happy to see me home. She cried as soon as I walked in the door so the cryptkeeper had to give her up. I said she was free to go but she stayed for another half hour while I rocked the baby to sleep to finish tracing her family tree back to the Pre-Columbian era.
It goes without saying that we won't be asking her to return. I should ask for at least part of my money back because I need to give The Foof a bath tonight to rid her of the smell of Old Lady Farts. I guess there are some smells you can't protect your children from.
We used and agency since searching the funny pages for Nannies lead to multiple dead end ads of people who lived in a van and offered free mammograms with their nanny-ing service. Shady. Very Shady. Well Wednesday came and I was very pleased with the nanny we had. She could care less that I was still there getting ready. She was all about Little Bunny Foo Foo. She will be coming back next week. However, on Thursday said nanny was unavailable. We had to request another. As I was eating breakfast, I looked up to observe our new nanny walking up our driveway. This is literally what I saw:
Needless to say, I was worried. This nanny was old and I questioned her competence as well as her hearts ability to actually circulate blood to the rest of her body . She quickly put the baby down and while I was eating and tried to relate every minute detail from the year Nineteen Dickety-Two. She rehearsed how she would fight off sabertooth tigers for food, invented fire, and meet the great General Washington at her log house. I didn't doubt that she did all of these things but now wondered if she would ever stop talking so I could finish getting ready for work. I came home as soon as I could worried that I would have to dust off my own CPR training on my own nanny (whom ironically comes CPR certified). Thankfully, all was well and The Foof was happy to see me home. She cried as soon as I walked in the door so the cryptkeeper had to give her up. I said she was free to go but she stayed for another half hour while I rocked the baby to sleep to finish tracing her family tree back to the Pre-Columbian era.
It goes without saying that we won't be asking her to return. I should ask for at least part of my money back because I need to give The Foof a bath tonight to rid her of the smell of Old Lady Farts. I guess there are some smells you can't protect your children from.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Birdflu
Having a baby is a great thing. Especially when you have no responsibility whatsoever for anything else. Little Bunny Foo-Foo gets all my attention. And when she goes to sleep...the internets gets my undivided attention. Instead of studying for yet another Board Exam that I take next month, I spend my afternoons scowering the web for nothing-in-particular. It's funny how that works. I've been home for 8 weeks now and don't really have anything to show for it other than A) I'm really good at changing diapers and B) can walk from my bedroom to the guestroom with my eyes closed at 3 in the morning to change yet another diaper. Hmmm. Speaking of which...a feat like that should elevate me to Ninja status.
Anyways. While surfing the web the web I found this gem of a fact. With the weekend looming there is an incredible amount of great sports on including the NFL playoffs (PLAYOFFS?!?! DID SOMEBODY SAY PLAYOFFS?!?!). The thing that excites me about this weekend is the Cardinals are on the verge of a Superbowl birth. I'm pretty sure I read in the Book of Revelation last week that this is one of the impending signs of the Apocalypse (as well as UNC losing two in a row and the Wildcats having 2 top 25 wins but still find time to get blown out by Stanford). Also, whilest reading that Book I think I heard something about pestilence which is simply defined as "any virulent and highly infectious disease that can cause an epidemic or even a pandemic". Thus I turn your attention to this quote from The Sports Guy:
If thats not pestilence by Birdflu, I don't know what is. I side with the Sports Guy. You leave Larry Legend alone Arizona or my cheers will forever fall on deaf ears. Signs and wonders aside, I hope all our pants are flame-retardant. Go Cards!
Anyways. While surfing the web the web I found this gem of a fact. With the weekend looming there is an incredible amount of great sports on including the NFL playoffs (PLAYOFFS?!?! DID SOMEBODY SAY PLAYOFFS?!?!). The thing that excites me about this weekend is the Cardinals are on the verge of a Superbowl birth. I'm pretty sure I read in the Book of Revelation last week that this is one of the impending signs of the Apocalypse (as well as UNC losing two in a row and the Wildcats having 2 top 25 wins but still find time to get blown out by Stanford). Also, whilest reading that Book I think I heard something about pestilence which is simply defined as "any virulent and highly infectious disease that can cause an epidemic or even a pandemic". Thus I turn your attention to this quote from The Sports Guy:
So you have the Cardinals beating the Seahawks in Week 17, then the Falcons in Round 1, and now, potentially, the Eagles in the NFC title game. Meanwhile, if the Ravens topple the Steelers, then the Cardinals could potentially beat every other NFL team with a bird nickname during their improbable five-game winning streak to capture the Super Bowl, and if that's not enough, birds took down Thursday's U.S. Airways flight heading from New York to Charlotte ... the city that's home to the team Arizona beat five days ago in Round 2. All I can tell you is this: Something better not happen to Larry Bird. You hear me, Arizona? Leave the Basketball Jesus out of your weird bird vendetta! Got it?
If thats not pestilence by Birdflu, I don't know what is. I side with the Sports Guy. You leave Larry Legend alone Arizona or my cheers will forever fall on deaf ears. Signs and wonders aside, I hope all our pants are flame-retardant. Go Cards!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Madison Victoria!
I will cut to the chase right away. Early Thursday morning at 2:19 AM weighing in at 6 lb. 11 oz. the Hunny Bunny gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby girl, Madison Victoria. The Hunny Bunny and Little Bunny Foo Foo are both doing great and napping whilst I type quietly. The following is a timeline of the incredible 24 hours leading up to the most wonderful event in our married lives...
Wednesday November 19th, 2008
0600 hours: Alarm sounds. I stumble not out of bed. But off the couch. A couch in Los Angeles, CA. Yes, I am not in Tucson. Today is a big day for a Residency Interview. One of my top choices. I'm excited.
0610 hours: Text message. "Say a prayer for me my belly hurts. I think its just gas but won't go away".
0611 hours: Underwear change.
0612 hours: Phone call to the Hunny Bunny. Reassures me that she is doing ok. Encourages me to go to my interview. I remind you at this point in time 5 days prior she was less than 1cm dialated and has had very few contractions to this point. Also, we are still 2 entire weeks until our due date.
0615 hours: Begin preparing for my interview. Shower, shave, wax, pluck, practice social smile and eyebrow raise in mirror with no shirt on. Read my CV one last time.
0740 hours: An entire hour and 20 minutes before the interview I'm out the door to sit in traffic. Yippee. Stupid LA traffic.
0745 hours: Phone call to the Hunny Bunny. The pain this morning were irregular contractions. "False Labor" as we call it in the business. They are going away at this point. A good thing. Underwear changes are much more difficult in a suit.
0850 hours: Arrive at the interview. Meet fellow interviewees. My suit is the most Mack Daddy in the room. Life is good.
0900 hours: Interview officially starts. Tour of the hospital, meet the faculty, lunch with the residents, 6 individual interviews with faculty members. So far so good.
0950 hours: Text message. "The belly pain is gone. Heading into work".
0951 hours: Sigh of relief.
1400 hours: Text message the Hunny Bunny to see how she is doing. Still no belly pain. Life is still good.
1700 hours: Interview concludes. All in all an awesome day. Rocked the interviews out of the park. Told the residents I would see them in the morning for a couple of hours so I can come back and hang out.
1705 hours: Traffic.
1706 hours: Elated phone call to the Hunny Bunny talking about my interview. As we were talking on the phone, (Gulp) irregular contractions start again.
1800 hours: Arrive at dinner. Great to send spend time with the family I lived with during my away rotations. Bottle them with a delicious carne asada burrito...and you have something sweeter than Yoo-Hoo.
1830 hours: The Hunny Bunny phones again. This time there is a little panic in her voice. She is now having contractions every 15 minutes. She quietly states, "I want you to come home now". I hang up the phone look everyone at the dinner table and tell them my trip is going to be cut short, I have a baby to catch.
1831 hours: Underwear change.
1930: Back at the house. Grab my bag call my airlines. I frantically tell the woman on the phone my story. She is excited to help me find a flight. "1000am tomorrow morning is the soonest I can get you there." You have got to be kidding me. I begin to loose my patience. I tell her to search all the LA airports to get me back to Tucson. "This is very weird" she states, "There must be something going on in LA...the last flight out was at 630pm." I couldn't believe it. Nobody could get us there. We thought she was just slow, so to confirm I looked quickly online. She was right. Nothing. I had but one choice...start driving.
1931 hours: Underwear change.
1932 hours: Hop in the rental car and start speeding.
1935 hours: Back on I-10 heading home. My cell phone battery is dying. I am ordered by the Hunny Bunny to get a charger. I stop at the closest Best Buy and buy a car charger (which I exchanged the next day for another memory card). I'm on my way baby. Make sure your sitting with your legs crossed.
2030 hours: Contractions are getting stronger and closer together.
2031 hours: Underwear change. Yes I am in the rental car and no I didn't have to pay extra for the stain.
2130 hours: The Hunny Bunny's waters break. Now she is worried I won't make it back in time. The feeling is now mutual.
2145 hours: Contractions are 8 minutes apart. Our friend arrives at the house to pick her up. My mom is en route to meet them at the hospital.
2230 hours: Phone call from my wife's driver. Had trouble placing an IV (still not sure how you struggle to find veins on a pregnant woman, but thats neither here nor there). After her IV she is 3cm dilated but still having regular contractions. Contrary to our previous decision, she opts for the epidural.
2231 hours: Praise God, I think to myself. At 3cm and her first child, she won't be delivering for awhile. I notice on my speedometer the needle just went from 95mph to 90mph.
2235 hours: The Hunny Bunny is getting her epidural. I call MarkyV for a late night pep-talk. We covered becoming a father for the first time, the debacle of season the UofA Basketball team is having, and take bets on what color her eyes will be. "Good talk Russ".
2345 hours: Caller ID says "Hunny Bunny". When I answer it is my mom this time. "She is COMPLETE". (GULP). You have got to be kidding me. How on earth does a first time mother go from 3cm to 10cm in less than an hour. They couldn't even pass a catheter because the baby was on her way down the birth canal. Oh this girl is so grounded when she comes out.
2346 hours: The Hunny Bunny gets on the phone. We both know I can't make it back now. But thanks to the marvel of technology, I can still be her coach via SPEAKERPHONE!
2350 hours: It starts to hit me that I am hours away from being a father. I'm somewhere near the California border, but I couldn't be happier.
Thursday November 20th, 2008
0100 hours: Its pushing time. Even via speakerphone, I'm a great Labor and Delivery coach. The Hunny Bunny is lucky to have me. Mind you, I'm even luckier having her.
0200 hours: The baby is THERE! The doctor is dragging his feet getting to the hospital (doctors kill me sometimes). The Hunny Bunny is in a holding pattern waiting for him. Can you imagine. If she was able to push, this baby would have been out in an hour. I'm gonna check the world record books for the fastest labor times.
0205 hours: A photo-radar camera in PHX takes my picture breaking the land speed record in a Chevy Cobalt. I can't help but laugh. Everyone in the hospital finds it just as hilarious.
0219 hours: The Baby is Out! Madison Victoria enters the world! Eighteen inches and 6lbs 11.4oz of beauty.
0225 hours: The Placenta is Out! The Hunny Bunny finally understands why I call it the Jellyfish.
0230 hours: Momma and baby are doing great.
0300 hours: Baby's first meal starts.
0400 hours: Baby's first meal ends.
0401 hours: Poppa Bear is here! I lay eyes on the most magnificent little girl ever! Brown hair, blue eyes, skin like her mothers. She is adorable. Thank goodness she doesn't look like her father!
0430 hours: I get the honors of giving Little Bunny Foo Foo her first bath and put on her first diaper. Did I mention she is incredible?
0500 hours: With 8 hours behind the wheel and 4 hours of active labor behind us. We couldn't be more happy (or tired). We make it up to our room, kiss Madison goodnight and all three of us for the first time go to sleep together. Nothing went according to our birth plan, but it ended more perfectly than we could have ever imagined. Even though she is grounded...she already has her Dadddy wrapped around her tiny little fingers.
Proud Mommy and Daddy after my long drive in.
She loves to sleep like Daddy! Finally get to hold Little Bunny Foo Foo.
How am I ever going to ground a face like this.
Wednesday November 19th, 2008
0600 hours: Alarm sounds. I stumble not out of bed. But off the couch. A couch in Los Angeles, CA. Yes, I am not in Tucson. Today is a big day for a Residency Interview. One of my top choices. I'm excited.
0610 hours: Text message. "Say a prayer for me my belly hurts. I think its just gas but won't go away".
0611 hours: Underwear change.
0612 hours: Phone call to the Hunny Bunny. Reassures me that she is doing ok. Encourages me to go to my interview. I remind you at this point in time 5 days prior she was less than 1cm dialated and has had very few contractions to this point. Also, we are still 2 entire weeks until our due date.
0615 hours: Begin preparing for my interview. Shower, shave, wax, pluck, practice social smile and eyebrow raise in mirror with no shirt on. Read my CV one last time.
0740 hours: An entire hour and 20 minutes before the interview I'm out the door to sit in traffic. Yippee. Stupid LA traffic.
0745 hours: Phone call to the Hunny Bunny. The pain this morning were irregular contractions. "False Labor" as we call it in the business. They are going away at this point. A good thing. Underwear changes are much more difficult in a suit.
0850 hours: Arrive at the interview. Meet fellow interviewees. My suit is the most Mack Daddy in the room. Life is good.
0900 hours: Interview officially starts. Tour of the hospital, meet the faculty, lunch with the residents, 6 individual interviews with faculty members. So far so good.
0950 hours: Text message. "The belly pain is gone. Heading into work".
0951 hours: Sigh of relief.
1400 hours: Text message the Hunny Bunny to see how she is doing. Still no belly pain. Life is still good.
1700 hours: Interview concludes. All in all an awesome day. Rocked the interviews out of the park. Told the residents I would see them in the morning for a couple of hours so I can come back and hang out.
1705 hours: Traffic.
1706 hours: Elated phone call to the Hunny Bunny talking about my interview. As we were talking on the phone, (Gulp) irregular contractions start again.
1800 hours: Arrive at dinner. Great to send spend time with the family I lived with during my away rotations. Bottle them with a delicious carne asada burrito...and you have something sweeter than Yoo-Hoo.
1830 hours: The Hunny Bunny phones again. This time there is a little panic in her voice. She is now having contractions every 15 minutes. She quietly states, "I want you to come home now". I hang up the phone look everyone at the dinner table and tell them my trip is going to be cut short, I have a baby to catch.
1831 hours: Underwear change.
1930: Back at the house. Grab my bag call my airlines. I frantically tell the woman on the phone my story. She is excited to help me find a flight. "1000am tomorrow morning is the soonest I can get you there." You have got to be kidding me. I begin to loose my patience. I tell her to search all the LA airports to get me back to Tucson. "This is very weird" she states, "There must be something going on in LA...the last flight out was at 630pm." I couldn't believe it. Nobody could get us there. We thought she was just slow, so to confirm I looked quickly online. She was right. Nothing. I had but one choice...start driving.
1931 hours: Underwear change.
1932 hours: Hop in the rental car and start speeding.
1935 hours: Back on I-10 heading home. My cell phone battery is dying. I am ordered by the Hunny Bunny to get a charger. I stop at the closest Best Buy and buy a car charger (which I exchanged the next day for another memory card). I'm on my way baby. Make sure your sitting with your legs crossed.
2030 hours: Contractions are getting stronger and closer together.
2031 hours: Underwear change. Yes I am in the rental car and no I didn't have to pay extra for the stain.
2130 hours: The Hunny Bunny's waters break. Now she is worried I won't make it back in time. The feeling is now mutual.
2145 hours: Contractions are 8 minutes apart. Our friend arrives at the house to pick her up. My mom is en route to meet them at the hospital.
2230 hours: Phone call from my wife's driver. Had trouble placing an IV (still not sure how you struggle to find veins on a pregnant woman, but thats neither here nor there). After her IV she is 3cm dilated but still having regular contractions. Contrary to our previous decision, she opts for the epidural.
2231 hours: Praise God, I think to myself. At 3cm and her first child, she won't be delivering for awhile. I notice on my speedometer the needle just went from 95mph to 90mph.
2235 hours: The Hunny Bunny is getting her epidural. I call MarkyV for a late night pep-talk. We covered becoming a father for the first time, the debacle of season the UofA Basketball team is having, and take bets on what color her eyes will be. "Good talk Russ".
2345 hours: Caller ID says "Hunny Bunny". When I answer it is my mom this time. "She is COMPLETE". (GULP). You have got to be kidding me. How on earth does a first time mother go from 3cm to 10cm in less than an hour. They couldn't even pass a catheter because the baby was on her way down the birth canal. Oh this girl is so grounded when she comes out.
2346 hours: The Hunny Bunny gets on the phone. We both know I can't make it back now. But thanks to the marvel of technology, I can still be her coach via SPEAKERPHONE!
2350 hours: It starts to hit me that I am hours away from being a father. I'm somewhere near the California border, but I couldn't be happier.
Thursday November 20th, 2008
0100 hours: Its pushing time. Even via speakerphone, I'm a great Labor and Delivery coach. The Hunny Bunny is lucky to have me. Mind you, I'm even luckier having her.
0200 hours: The baby is THERE! The doctor is dragging his feet getting to the hospital (doctors kill me sometimes). The Hunny Bunny is in a holding pattern waiting for him. Can you imagine. If she was able to push, this baby would have been out in an hour. I'm gonna check the world record books for the fastest labor times.
0205 hours: A photo-radar camera in PHX takes my picture breaking the land speed record in a Chevy Cobalt. I can't help but laugh. Everyone in the hospital finds it just as hilarious.
0219 hours: The Baby is Out! Madison Victoria enters the world! Eighteen inches and 6lbs 11.4oz of beauty.
0225 hours: The Placenta is Out! The Hunny Bunny finally understands why I call it the Jellyfish.
0230 hours: Momma and baby are doing great.
0300 hours: Baby's first meal starts.
0400 hours: Baby's first meal ends.
0401 hours: Poppa Bear is here! I lay eyes on the most magnificent little girl ever! Brown hair, blue eyes, skin like her mothers. She is adorable. Thank goodness she doesn't look like her father!
0430 hours: I get the honors of giving Little Bunny Foo Foo her first bath and put on her first diaper. Did I mention she is incredible?
0500 hours: With 8 hours behind the wheel and 4 hours of active labor behind us. We couldn't be more happy (or tired). We make it up to our room, kiss Madison goodnight and all three of us for the first time go to sleep together. Nothing went according to our birth plan, but it ended more perfectly than we could have ever imagined. Even though she is grounded...she already has her Dadddy wrapped around her tiny little fingers.
Proud Mommy and Daddy after my long drive in.
She loves to sleep like Daddy! Finally get to hold Little Bunny Foo Foo.
How am I ever going to ground a face like this.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Derrieres & Destiny
Well I've been on vacation for an entire week now and I have yet to have anything to show for it. I continue my escapades on the interview trail in sunny California again next week. But until that time, I sit around all day and wait for the Hunny Bunny to come home so I can rub her belly.
However, on an unrelated note...a couple of weeks ago I jumped ship to California again for a couple of days. This time to Monterey. It was a pretty awesome place. It was cold and foggy the second day but lots scenery to take it. The main reason I was there was to present my research on bladder cancer. I got to make a giant poster, dress up in my monkey suit, and answer questions to enquiring Urologists. It was a blast. The atmosphere was a lot of fun. All the people I worked with over the summer were in attendance so it was good shooting the breeze and catching up. The best part was the "open bar" on opening night. All the kids from a very prestigious residency were a little tipsy. Hopefully I won brownie points with that crowd because due to their shenanigans, I may have alienated myself from all the other programs there (sigh). I doubt this fact since I saw everyone else hitting the bottles of wine pretty hard so they probably won't remember anything that transpired that night. Doctors are funny drinkers (chuckle).
With all of those stories aside there was basically only one reason why I went to Monterey. It wasn't to boost my resume, network with the Big Wigs of Urology, or even beg on my knees in front of multiple residency directors for a spot in their programs. Although I did all of these things that weekend, I had a bigger quest to perform. A quest to visit the one and only, Pebble Beach. I get goosebumps just thinking about this place. Tiger, Jack, Arnold...the history of that course is incredible. My hotel was a mere 5 miles from the course. As soon as I unpacked I ran downstairs, hopped in a taxi and headed towards the course. As we spiraled up the hill, the fog began to set in. I thought of Tiger's US Open while he hit shot after shot in the fog. I was giggling in the taxi cab. As I hopped out of the cab I took it all in. The smell of damp grass, the Rolex clocks scattered about, and yes...the Asian tourists (seriously, they are everywhere with their Nikon cameras and oversized visors). I started off down the 18th fairway. As I got to the tee box, one image sat out in my mind and I had to do my best to replicate it.
I'm actually crying as I finish this post. It was so beautiful. Think about it. My butt has touched the same place Nicklaus' butt has touched. It almost makes us soul mates. Or better yet...Blood Brothers, bound by the same love of striking a pose on old wooden fences. I love you Jack. That was truly incredible. One day I will be back. And next time I'm taking my clubs. I will sell off my Best Man Badge if i have to in order to afford the $500 greens fees. But I will be back because my derriere longs for yours Jack...
However, on an unrelated note...a couple of weeks ago I jumped ship to California again for a couple of days. This time to Monterey. It was a pretty awesome place. It was cold and foggy the second day but lots scenery to take it. The main reason I was there was to present my research on bladder cancer. I got to make a giant poster, dress up in my monkey suit, and answer questions to enquiring Urologists. It was a blast. The atmosphere was a lot of fun. All the people I worked with over the summer were in attendance so it was good shooting the breeze and catching up. The best part was the "open bar" on opening night. All the kids from a very prestigious residency were a little tipsy. Hopefully I won brownie points with that crowd because due to their shenanigans, I may have alienated myself from all the other programs there (sigh). I doubt this fact since I saw everyone else hitting the bottles of wine pretty hard so they probably won't remember anything that transpired that night. Doctors are funny drinkers (chuckle).
With all of those stories aside there was basically only one reason why I went to Monterey. It wasn't to boost my resume, network with the Big Wigs of Urology, or even beg on my knees in front of multiple residency directors for a spot in their programs. Although I did all of these things that weekend, I had a bigger quest to perform. A quest to visit the one and only, Pebble Beach. I get goosebumps just thinking about this place. Tiger, Jack, Arnold...the history of that course is incredible. My hotel was a mere 5 miles from the course. As soon as I unpacked I ran downstairs, hopped in a taxi and headed towards the course. As we spiraled up the hill, the fog began to set in. I thought of Tiger's US Open while he hit shot after shot in the fog. I was giggling in the taxi cab. As I hopped out of the cab I took it all in. The smell of damp grass, the Rolex clocks scattered about, and yes...the Asian tourists (seriously, they are everywhere with their Nikon cameras and oversized visors). I started off down the 18th fairway. As I got to the tee box, one image sat out in my mind and I had to do my best to replicate it.
I'm actually crying as I finish this post. It was so beautiful. Think about it. My butt has touched the same place Nicklaus' butt has touched. It almost makes us soul mates. Or better yet...Blood Brothers, bound by the same love of striking a pose on old wooden fences. I love you Jack. That was truly incredible. One day I will be back. And next time I'm taking my clubs. I will sell off my Best Man Badge if i have to in order to afford the $500 greens fees. But I will be back because my derriere longs for yours Jack...
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Saving The Day
It was a busy weekend for The Hunny Bunny and I. We shipped ourselves off to magnificent West Point, NY for an exclusive "destination wedding". This wedding was unique, considering the fact the the Bride and Groom met at our wedding nearly three years ago. Needless to say, I take all the credit. As you can imagine we were both part of the bridal party. After all the hype, the weekend did not start out on the right foot. For starters, our flight was cancelled without our knowledge. Leaving us to find plane tickets the day we were supposed to leave. This never happens to be a good financial option in the middle of a "recession". I went ahead and took the difference out of the wedding gift we got the Bride and Groom. Which actually made it so they owe us money.
The weekend continued on a very similar note. The bachelor party that at one time was under my complete control was somehow relinquished when I was flying over the state of Ohio. I was informed the plans I made had been changed the minute I landed in NYC. Thankfully, this worked out in a positive note since it turned out to be the shortest bachelor party in history. The Groom was two sheets to the wind in exactly 86 minutes. This prompted an immediate cancellation of all festivities and a return to the hotel to tuck the poor guy in.
The wedding was great. Very formal...very impressive. There were Sabers and everything (not the prehistoric beast, but the sword-like thingy). Good times...Noodle Salad.
However, this weekend also brought me in touch with an old friend from high school. We had fallen out of communication somewhere in undergrad due to his incessant lying and inability to grow up. He had become the epitome of the Peter Pan Syndrome mixed with a touch of Anitsocial Personality and a pinch of Traumatic Brain Injury Induced Psychosis. This bright chap was also a groomsman. Which means I would likely need his help throughout the weekend. Let me tell you, I've had an easier time training wolverines in the Appalachian Mountains than getting this guy to help me.
The weekend came down to one defining moment. Peter Pan had one responsibility all weekend. His job was to return one rental car the day after the wedding just prior to his trip out of the state. This would leave one matching rental car for the Bride and Groom to return themselves en route to their honeymoon in Paris and Rome. At face value, this would leave a novel bystander to believe this is a relatively easy task. Pack rental care with your stuff, insert keys, drive to airport, return keys, flee the country...simple.
Well the next morning I was awakened by a frantic Groom. With his virginity a thing of the past, he had only one concern. That was, there were no keys to his rental car. I stumbled downstairs to offer my assistance. We looked everywhere. We searched the groomsman's rooms from sink to ceiling. We turned the tuxedos inside out with no avail. We were then left with 2 options. Tow the car to the airport (a mere 1.5 hours away) or have a locksmith make a new key. I made the call and spent the next two hours watching someone break into a 2009 Escalade. As I waited, I continued to call said groomsman to ask where he had put the keys in case we overlooked them somewhere...somehow. This however was a moot point since now we had paid $300 dollars to gain access to the car.
The ensuing part of the trip is what irritated me the most. The Bride and Groom so kindly let us hitchhike to the same airport in our hot-wired rental car. En route, finally the groomsman returned our call. And just as any antisocial would do given his predicament...he lied, placed blame on an innocent party, and went on the defensive that anyone could make such an accusation that he somehow screwed up. As we pulled into the rental car lot terrified of paying another $200 in lost key fees, we scrambled for any excuse that might help us avoid the infraction. But to our surprise the manager informed us that this was unnecessary. Unnecessary because our keys were turned in hours before our arrival with the other rental car. As everyone else in our party gasped...I could do nothing but laugh. Not because it was funny, but because I wasn't surprised. Peter Pan had struck again.
With the weekend now far behind us, I'm going to go ahead and take all the glory of holding the grooms hair back as he prayed to the porcelain gods, keeping tabs on Peter Pan for 98% of the weekend (the remaining 2% was nearly disastrous but that's neither here nor there), finding a locksmith, and for no fee at all...fixed the Brides new camera just prior to them boarding their plane to Europe. I think it is only fitting that I wore the same badge as Dupree as the reigning Best Man (BM) of the Decade.
In case you are interested. The badge of honor Dupree so honorably is holding in the movie clip was worn by me the day of the wedding. And I must say...after my Oscar winning performance, it was well deserved.
The weekend continued on a very similar note. The bachelor party that at one time was under my complete control was somehow relinquished when I was flying over the state of Ohio. I was informed the plans I made had been changed the minute I landed in NYC. Thankfully, this worked out in a positive note since it turned out to be the shortest bachelor party in history. The Groom was two sheets to the wind in exactly 86 minutes. This prompted an immediate cancellation of all festivities and a return to the hotel to tuck the poor guy in.
The wedding was great. Very formal...very impressive. There were Sabers and everything (not the prehistoric beast, but the sword-like thingy). Good times...Noodle Salad.
However, this weekend also brought me in touch with an old friend from high school. We had fallen out of communication somewhere in undergrad due to his incessant lying and inability to grow up. He had become the epitome of the Peter Pan Syndrome mixed with a touch of Anitsocial Personality and a pinch of Traumatic Brain Injury Induced Psychosis. This bright chap was also a groomsman. Which means I would likely need his help throughout the weekend. Let me tell you, I've had an easier time training wolverines in the Appalachian Mountains than getting this guy to help me.
The weekend came down to one defining moment. Peter Pan had one responsibility all weekend. His job was to return one rental car the day after the wedding just prior to his trip out of the state. This would leave one matching rental car for the Bride and Groom to return themselves en route to their honeymoon in Paris and Rome. At face value, this would leave a novel bystander to believe this is a relatively easy task. Pack rental care with your stuff, insert keys, drive to airport, return keys, flee the country...simple.
Well the next morning I was awakened by a frantic Groom. With his virginity a thing of the past, he had only one concern. That was, there were no keys to his rental car. I stumbled downstairs to offer my assistance. We looked everywhere. We searched the groomsman's rooms from sink to ceiling. We turned the tuxedos inside out with no avail. We were then left with 2 options. Tow the car to the airport (a mere 1.5 hours away) or have a locksmith make a new key. I made the call and spent the next two hours watching someone break into a 2009 Escalade. As I waited, I continued to call said groomsman to ask where he had put the keys in case we overlooked them somewhere...somehow. This however was a moot point since now we had paid $300 dollars to gain access to the car.
The ensuing part of the trip is what irritated me the most. The Bride and Groom so kindly let us hitchhike to the same airport in our hot-wired rental car. En route, finally the groomsman returned our call. And just as any antisocial would do given his predicament...he lied, placed blame on an innocent party, and went on the defensive that anyone could make such an accusation that he somehow screwed up. As we pulled into the rental car lot terrified of paying another $200 in lost key fees, we scrambled for any excuse that might help us avoid the infraction. But to our surprise the manager informed us that this was unnecessary. Unnecessary because our keys were turned in hours before our arrival with the other rental car. As everyone else in our party gasped...I could do nothing but laugh. Not because it was funny, but because I wasn't surprised. Peter Pan had struck again.
With the weekend now far behind us, I'm going to go ahead and take all the glory of holding the grooms hair back as he prayed to the porcelain gods, keeping tabs on Peter Pan for 98% of the weekend (the remaining 2% was nearly disastrous but that's neither here nor there), finding a locksmith, and for no fee at all...fixed the Brides new camera just prior to them boarding their plane to Europe. I think it is only fitting that I wore the same badge as Dupree as the reigning Best Man (BM) of the Decade.
In case you are interested. The badge of honor Dupree so honorably is holding in the movie clip was worn by me the day of the wedding. And I must say...after my Oscar winning performance, it was well deserved.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)