Madison Victoria!

I will cut to the chase right away. Early Thursday morning at 2:19 AM weighing in at 6 lb. 11 oz. the Hunny Bunny gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby girl, Madison Victoria. The Hunny Bunny and Little Bunny Foo Foo are both doing great and napping whilst I type quietly. The following is a timeline of the incredible 24 hours leading up to the most wonderful event in our married lives...

Wednesday November 19th, 2008

0600 hours: Alarm sounds. I stumble not out of bed. But off the couch. A couch in Los Angeles, CA. Yes, I am not in Tucson. Today is a big day for a Residency Interview. One of my top choices. I'm excited.

0610 hours: Text message. "Say a prayer for me my belly hurts. I think its just gas but won't go away".

0611 hours: Underwear change.

0612 hours: Phone call to the Hunny Bunny. Reassures me that she is doing ok. Encourages me to go to my interview. I remind you at this point in time 5 days prior she was less than 1cm dialated and has had very few contractions to this point. Also, we are still 2 entire weeks until our due date.

0615 hours: Begin preparing for my interview. Shower, shave, wax, pluck, practice social smile and eyebrow raise in mirror with no shirt on. Read my CV one last time.

0740 hours: An entire hour and 20 minutes before the interview I'm out the door to sit in traffic. Yippee. Stupid LA traffic.

0745 hours: Phone call to the Hunny Bunny. The pain this morning were irregular contractions. "False Labor" as we call it in the business. They are going away at this point. A good thing. Underwear changes are much more difficult in a suit.

0850 hours: Arrive at the interview. Meet fellow interviewees. My suit is the most Mack Daddy in the room. Life is good.

0900 hours: Interview officially starts. Tour of the hospital, meet the faculty, lunch with the residents, 6 individual interviews with faculty members. So far so good.

0950 hours: Text message. "The belly pain is gone. Heading into work".

0951 hours: Sigh of relief.

1400 hours: Text message the Hunny Bunny to see how she is doing. Still no belly pain. Life is still good.

1700 hours: Interview concludes. All in all an awesome day. Rocked the interviews out of the park. Told the residents I would see them in the morning for a couple of hours so I can come back and hang out.

1705 hours: Traffic.

1706 hours: Elated phone call to the Hunny Bunny talking about my interview. As we were talking on the phone, (Gulp) irregular contractions start again.

1800 hours: Arrive at dinner. Great to send spend time with the family I lived with during my away rotations. Bottle them with a delicious carne asada burrito...and you have something sweeter than Yoo-Hoo.

1830 hours: The Hunny Bunny phones again. This time there is a little panic in her voice. She is now having contractions every 15 minutes. She quietly states, "I want you to come home now". I hang up the phone look everyone at the dinner table and tell them my trip is going to be cut short, I have a baby to catch.

1831 hours: Underwear change.

1930: Back at the house. Grab my bag call my airlines. I frantically tell the woman on the phone my story. She is excited to help me find a flight. "1000am tomorrow morning is the soonest I can get you there." You have got to be kidding me. I begin to loose my patience. I tell her to search all the LA airports to get me back to Tucson. "This is very weird" she states, "There must be something going on in LA...the last flight out was at 630pm." I couldn't believe it. Nobody could get us there. We thought she was just slow, so to confirm I looked quickly online. She was right. Nothing. I had but one choice...start driving.

1931 hours: Underwear change.

1932 hours: Hop in the rental car and start speeding.

1935 hours: Back on I-10 heading home. My cell phone battery is dying. I am ordered by the Hunny Bunny to get a charger. I stop at the closest Best Buy and buy a car charger (which I exchanged the next day for another memory card). I'm on my way baby. Make sure your sitting with your legs crossed.

2030 hours: Contractions are getting stronger and closer together.

2031 hours: Underwear change. Yes I am in the rental car and no I didn't have to pay extra for the stain.

2130 hours: The Hunny Bunny's waters break. Now she is worried I won't make it back in time. The feeling is now mutual.

2145 hours: Contractions are 8 minutes apart. Our friend arrives at the house to pick her up. My mom is en route to meet them at the hospital.

2230 hours: Phone call from my wife's driver. Had trouble placing an IV (still not sure how you struggle to find veins on a pregnant woman, but thats neither here nor there). After her IV she is 3cm dilated but still having regular contractions. Contrary to our previous decision, she opts for the epidural.

2231 hours: Praise God, I think to myself. At 3cm and her first child, she won't be delivering for awhile. I notice on my speedometer the needle just went from 95mph to 90mph.

2235 hours: The Hunny Bunny is getting her epidural. I call MarkyV for a late night pep-talk. We covered becoming a father for the first time, the debacle of season the UofA Basketball team is having, and take bets on what color her eyes will be. "Good talk Russ".

2345 hours: Caller ID says "Hunny Bunny". When I answer it is my mom this time. "She is COMPLETE". (GULP). You have got to be kidding me. How on earth does a first time mother go from 3cm to 10cm in less than an hour. They couldn't even pass a catheter because the baby was on her way down the birth canal. Oh this girl is so grounded when she comes out.

2346 hours: The Hunny Bunny gets on the phone. We both know I can't make it back now. But thanks to the marvel of technology, I can still be her coach via SPEAKERPHONE!

2350 hours: It starts to hit me that I am hours away from being a father. I'm somewhere near the California border, but I couldn't be happier.

Thursday November 20th, 2008

0100 hours: Its pushing time. Even via speakerphone, I'm a great Labor and Delivery coach. The Hunny Bunny is lucky to have me. Mind you, I'm even luckier having her.

0200 hours: The baby is THERE! The doctor is dragging his feet getting to the hospital (doctors kill me sometimes). The Hunny Bunny is in a holding pattern waiting for him. Can you imagine. If she was able to push, this baby would have been out in an hour. I'm gonna check the world record books for the fastest labor times.

0205 hours: A photo-radar camera in PHX takes my picture breaking the land speed record in a Chevy Cobalt. I can't help but laugh. Everyone in the hospital finds it just as hilarious.

0219 hours: The Baby is Out! Madison Victoria enters the world! Eighteen inches and 6lbs 11.4oz of beauty.

0225 hours: The Placenta is Out! The Hunny Bunny finally understands why I call it the Jellyfish.

0230 hours: Momma and baby are doing great.

0300 hours: Baby's first meal starts.

0400 hours: Baby's first meal ends.

0401 hours: Poppa Bear is here! I lay eyes on the most magnificent little girl ever! Brown hair, blue eyes, skin like her mothers. She is adorable. Thank goodness she doesn't look like her father!

0430 hours: I get the honors of giving Little Bunny Foo Foo her first bath and put on her first diaper. Did I mention she is incredible?

0500 hours: With 8 hours behind the wheel and 4 hours of active labor behind us. We couldn't be more happy (or tired). We make it up to our room, kiss Madison goodnight and all three of us for the first time go to sleep together. Nothing went according to our birth plan, but it ended more perfectly than we could have ever imagined. Even though she is grounded...she already has her Dadddy wrapped around her tiny little fingers.



Proud Mommy and Daddy after my long drive in.



She loves to sleep like Daddy! Finally get to hold Little Bunny Foo Foo.



How am I ever going to ground a face like this.

Derrieres & Destiny

Well I've been on vacation for an entire week now and I have yet to have anything to show for it. I continue my escapades on the interview trail in sunny California again next week. But until that time, I sit around all day and wait for the Hunny Bunny to come home so I can rub her belly.

However, on an unrelated note...a couple of weeks ago I jumped ship to California again for a couple of days. This time to Monterey. It was a pretty awesome place. It was cold and foggy the second day but lots scenery to take it. The main reason I was there was to present my research on bladder cancer. I got to make a giant poster, dress up in my monkey suit, and answer questions to enquiring Urologists. It was a blast. The atmosphere was a lot of fun. All the people I worked with over the summer were in attendance so it was good shooting the breeze and catching up. The best part was the "open bar" on opening night. All the kids from a very prestigious residency were a little tipsy. Hopefully I won brownie points with that crowd because due to their shenanigans, I may have alienated myself from all the other programs there (sigh). I doubt this fact since I saw everyone else hitting the bottles of wine pretty hard so they probably won't remember anything that transpired that night. Doctors are funny drinkers (chuckle).

With all of those stories aside there was basically only one reason why I went to Monterey. It wasn't to boost my resume, network with the Big Wigs of Urology, or even beg on my knees in front of multiple residency directors for a spot in their programs. Although I did all of these things that weekend, I had a bigger quest to perform. A quest to visit the one and only, Pebble Beach. I get goosebumps just thinking about this place. Tiger, Jack, Arnold...the history of that course is incredible. My hotel was a mere 5 miles from the course. As soon as I unpacked I ran downstairs, hopped in a taxi and headed towards the course. As we spiraled up the hill, the fog began to set in. I thought of Tiger's US Open while he hit shot after shot in the fog. I was giggling in the taxi cab. As I hopped out of the cab I took it all in. The smell of damp grass, the Rolex clocks scattered about, and yes...the Asian tourists (seriously, they are everywhere with their Nikon cameras and oversized visors). I started off down the 18th fairway. As I got to the tee box, one image sat out in my mind and I had to do my best to replicate it.





I'm actually crying as I finish this post. It was so beautiful. Think about it. My butt has touched the same place Nicklaus' butt has touched. It almost makes us soul mates. Or better yet...Blood Brothers, bound by the same love of striking a pose on old wooden fences. I love you Jack. That was truly incredible. One day I will be back. And next time I'm taking my clubs. I will sell off my Best Man Badge if i have to in order to afford the $500 greens fees. But I will be back because my derriere longs for yours Jack...

Saving The Day

It was a busy weekend for The Hunny Bunny and I. We shipped ourselves off to magnificent West Point, NY for an exclusive "destination wedding". This wedding was unique, considering the fact the the Bride and Groom met at our wedding nearly three years ago. Needless to say, I take all the credit. As you can imagine we were both part of the bridal party. After all the hype, the weekend did not start out on the right foot. For starters, our flight was cancelled without our knowledge. Leaving us to find plane tickets the day we were supposed to leave. This never happens to be a good financial option in the middle of a "recession". I went ahead and took the difference out of the wedding gift we got the Bride and Groom. Which actually made it so they owe us money.

The weekend continued on a very similar note. The bachelor party that at one time was under my complete control was somehow relinquished when I was flying over the state of Ohio. I was informed the plans I made had been changed the minute I landed in NYC. Thankfully, this worked out in a positive note since it turned out to be the shortest bachelor party in history. The Groom was two sheets to the wind in exactly 86 minutes. This prompted an immediate cancellation of all festivities and a return to the hotel to tuck the poor guy in.

The wedding was great. Very formal...very impressive. There were Sabers and everything (not the prehistoric beast, but the sword-like thingy). Good times...Noodle Salad.

However, this weekend also brought me in touch with an old friend from high school. We had fallen out of communication somewhere in undergrad due to his incessant lying and inability to grow up. He had become the epitome of the Peter Pan Syndrome mixed with a touch of Anitsocial Personality and a pinch of Traumatic Brain Injury Induced Psychosis. This bright chap was also a groomsman. Which means I would likely need his help throughout the weekend. Let me tell you, I've had an easier time training wolverines in the Appalachian Mountains than getting this guy to help me.

The weekend came down to one defining moment. Peter Pan had one responsibility all weekend. His job was to return one rental car the day after the wedding just prior to his trip out of the state. This would leave one matching rental car for the Bride and Groom to return themselves en route to their honeymoon in Paris and Rome. At face value, this would leave a novel bystander to believe this is a relatively easy task. Pack rental care with your stuff, insert keys, drive to airport, return keys, flee the country...simple.

Well the next morning I was awakened by a frantic Groom. With his virginity a thing of the past, he had only one concern. That was, there were no keys to his rental car. I stumbled downstairs to offer my assistance. We looked everywhere. We searched the groomsman's rooms from sink to ceiling. We turned the tuxedos inside out with no avail. We were then left with 2 options. Tow the car to the airport (a mere 1.5 hours away) or have a locksmith make a new key. I made the call and spent the next two hours watching someone break into a 2009 Escalade. As I waited, I continued to call said groomsman to ask where he had put the keys in case we overlooked them somewhere...somehow. This however was a moot point since now we had paid $300 dollars to gain access to the car.

The ensuing part of the trip is what irritated me the most. The Bride and Groom so kindly let us hitchhike to the same airport in our hot-wired rental car. En route, finally the groomsman returned our call. And just as any antisocial would do given his predicament...he lied, placed blame on an innocent party, and went on the defensive that anyone could make such an accusation that he somehow screwed up. As we pulled into the rental car lot terrified of paying another $200 in lost key fees, we scrambled for any excuse that might help us avoid the infraction. But to our surprise the manager informed us that this was unnecessary. Unnecessary because our keys were turned in hours before our arrival with the other rental car. As everyone else in our party gasped...I could do nothing but laugh. Not because it was funny, but because I wasn't surprised. Peter Pan had struck again.

With the weekend now far behind us, I'm going to go ahead and take all the glory of holding the grooms hair back as he prayed to the porcelain gods, keeping tabs on Peter Pan for 98% of the weekend (the remaining 2% was nearly disastrous but that's neither here nor there), finding a locksmith, and for no fee at all...fixed the Brides new camera just prior to them boarding their plane to Europe. I think it is only fitting that I wore the same badge as Dupree as the reigning Best Man (BM) of the Decade.

In case you are interested. The badge of honor Dupree so honorably is holding in the movie clip was worn by me the day of the wedding. And I must say...after my Oscar winning performance, it was well deserved.

Shake, Rattle, & Role

This post comes live from Los Angeles, CA. I've been out here for 4 weeks now brown-nosing like its going out of style. I am currently "auditioning" for a rather large conglomerate hospital (save that topic for another day). So far it has been an incredible experience. From the pre-operative holding area I can look out the window and see the HOLLYWOOD sign.



My drive to work entails a scenic drive past Echo Park and Downtown LA, home to the building that gets blown to shreds in Independence Day. I'm actually presently surprised on how fast they were able to rebuild it after the film. It's huge!



Anywho. Before I get back to the books, it was an exciting day. The largest earthquake to hit a populated area of southern California in 14 years hit LA today. 5.4 on the Richter scale. I happened to be in the Operating Room assisting on a prostatectomy. It didn't last very long but the entire hospital shook. It was crazy. After all the shaking stops, your equilibrium is thrown off. Feels just like you stepped off a boat and you have a bad case of the sea-legs. Funny feeling. It was also interesting operating in a hospital that will be closing in a month to move into a new and improved building that is more "earthquake stable".

Well I'm safe. And I learned an important lesson. If an earthquake should occur in the middle of a surgery...just keep operating while listening to Tom Petty's hit single Free Falling* and act like your not impressed. Nobody seemed to care when I announced that it was my first earthquake. I guess I'll just keep it to myself next time.

*The song came on shortly after the earthquake. I couldn't help but chuckle at the irony.

Immaculate Conception*

Well fellow readers it has been a while since I last posted. It has been a roller coaster year. First, I almost died...sort of. I will save that story for another time. But let us just say that I wasn't able to use my left arm for a period of 8 weeks. It made it very difficult to put on shirts, tie my shoes, let alone examine patients. Second, MarkyV returned from Iraq, if I wasn't married and he wasn't getting married...well I will just stop there. So it goes without saying...it has been an eventful year.

Well somewhere...somehow something changed. I wasn't the only one who was sick. I was on the mend but now, the Hunny Bunny was sick. She was nauseous, getting headaches. We thought it was just a rough bout of allergies but one Home Pregnancy Test later...we learned that someone was up to something!

Now I am sure you are thinking the same thing I was about 4 weeks ago. How did this happen? Yes we were taking all the right steps to ensure that a little bambino/bambina was not in our immediate future...but then my wife told me. There was a 1 week period where her prescription lapsed (dumb pharmacists) and theoretically we could have conceived.

Well, according to our calculations we must be 10 weeks along. We were guided to a local OB/GYN who everyone seems to adore. We talked shop, my overall disdain for the field of OB/GYN and my subsequent 6 weeks of misery, as well as a little Birds & the Bees. Well she ensued to describe to us what the baby looks like at 10 weeks. Small...about the size of a Gummy Bear. I was so excited. I love Gummy Bears! Well we turned on the ultrasound and this is what we saw....






Apparently, my definition of a Gummy Bear was waaaaay off. I was staring face to face with my Baby to be! We were 17 weeks pregnant...I nearly wet my pants I was so excited! My Baby was waving right at us. I felt like it** was taunting us...saying I've been here the entire time (Something I could see myself doing, so I know it's my kid)! Which leads us to the entire "Immaculate" title. "Allegedly", when the Baby was conceived, we were on birth control the entire time. The whole 99.9% effective claim is apparently accurate, it just happens that we were the 0.1%. No complaints here though. Although I will consider a hefty lawsuit to the birth control companies to help pay for this Baby's college education.

I can't believe that I am going to be Daddy and we couldn't have planned better timing. When we first found out about a baby was on the way, I looked at my schedule and realized, after December my life is a vacation with the occasional visit to clinic to pretend to be a doctor. I will have literally months to spend with my Baby and Baby's Momma before I have to actually start working next July.

It's incredible what the next few months are going to bring but with the Hunny Bunny at my side we can tackle anything. In just a couple of weeks we will start the feel the Baby move! I'm in heaven. The only hard part at this point and time is picking a name. We decided against anything common, but we won't go as far to name our child after a monkey in the zoo. Any thoughts from my loyal fans? You have until approximately December 4th to come up with something convincing!

All this commotion has made me sleepy. Its time for a well earned nap as I dream about my cute little baby too-be swimming around in its own pee...

*Yes, I said Conception, not Reception. I look nothing like Terry Bradshaw.
**The Sex is TBA. You have to wait 3 more weeks before you know the answer. Until then, it's gender neutral references.

Baby Face

OK enough is enough. In the past week one patient reported to a resident that I looked like I was 12 years old. Today a nurse guessed that I was 19 years old. This is getting to a be a little absurd. I think it may be time to bring back the Psyc Beard in order to convince people around me that I have indeed graduated from high school. This is nuts, none of my crazy patients on Pyschiatry thought I was a teenager. Granted one did think I was a Cosmonaut. But I still think you have to be 21 in order to be one of those.

Dream On

So I'm not one to watch Okra, but the Hunny Bunny sent me this video. This guy is great. He has a wonderful insight to life we can all learn from. Fact of the matter is he is dying and you wouldn't know unless he told you. Take the 10 minutes to watch it. You can thank me later.

And you thought Ah Jota couldn't be serious for 5 minutes!

What's Good for the Goose is Good for the Gander

Well life took a sudden turn for the comedic today. After 6 weeks of wanting to pull my hair out from dealing with hormonal women all day long, I headed off to the Psych Ward at the city's old county hospital. It has a comfy 70 bed inpatient facility...compared to 7 beds over at the University (cough). I had mixed feelings for this rotation, I heard the hours were good but I was concerned the Crazies were gonna make me...well...crazy. This could still possibly happen but D-rock, Beez, and I all decided that at least we'll have great stories come the end of the next 6 weeks.

I was assigned my attending today. A fun british-accented bloake from Britland. He seems to have a great sense of humor (probably a trait I should polish dealing with my patients so I don't become one). We made our rounds on a couple of patients which proved comical. One patient had actually created a website about a made up corporation he belongs too (I'm not crazy and I can't pull something like that off).

We completed our rounds downstairs and headed to the 5th floor. As we entered into the East Wing a female walked by us and I felt something unexpected. No, it wasn't an overwhelming wave of emotions to help those mentally ill and in need. It was a hand. On my BUTT. Yes, my loyal friends I had been goosed! By a female patient! Within my first 2 hours of being on the unit! That has to be some sort of record. At that moment I didn't know what to do...or to say. I was speechless. We headed to the nurses desk to see if there were any open rooms. My attending and the head nurse went back and forth about an over the top female patient who had tried to escape the day prior. My attending began to fill me in on her story on how she had confessed to Campus Health that she had asked her college roommate to "blow her brains out" with a shotgun. She fled the scene and was chased across campus by the campus police. He then pointed out that we walked by said female on our way in.

As he mentioned this I sheepishly remarked "We've already been acquainted". He looked at me with a confused glare. "She goosed me on the way in", I told him.

"You mean, she grabbed your $%$?".

"Pretty much."

He laughed and we told the nurse of her shenanigans and we were on our way. We received a phone call about 5 minutes later from the nurse. The patient was now concerned that I might sue her. If my wife has her way...I might. I learned a lot today. Crazy people will do anything. Throw poop, bite the nurses, and of course touch your butt. Let this be a lesson to both you and me. We better be on our toes for the next 6 weeks.

Labor & Delivery Shoutout

For the past six weeks I have been tortured on "Labor and Delivery". Part of my OB/GYN experience of medical school. I think it is an understatement when I say that I have seen better days. I'm not saying I haven't been learning. The crew of residents are really enthusiastic about teaching. But I guess the entire "Birthing Process" is much more graphic than I had imagined in my head. For months I had been arguing with The Hunny Bunny about delivering our own children. The past 3 weeks cured me of that desire. I can only watch a child's head being squeezed into oblivion and mom lose a half a liter of blood so many times. Trust me on this one.

But not all three weeks were a waste. We had a patient come onto our floor from Globe, AZ in labor. After a quick ultrasound we determined that the baby was "breech". In simple terms, the baby was upside down. Now once upon a time, delivering a breech baby vaginally was not recommended by a bunch of doctors much smarter than you. But after a few stiff drinks in 2006, they changed their mind. So for this brave lady, it was go time. To the OR we went. As the epidural went in, the room filled up like a Phoenix Suns home game. The contractions were coming and the fun ensued. Everyone assumed their positions. Bees and I both grabbed a leg to help her into the lithotomy position.

I want to mention at this time that I had front row seating to one of the coolest things I have ever seen. A bouncing baby boy entering the world Balls First. Words cannot express my jealousy. When the kid was halfway out, he had a drop in heart rate. An ultrasound machine slammed into my leg and 2 residents crammed my personal space. I was having trouble doing my only assigned job. Holding that right leg up. The ultrasound was reassuring and after a couple more pushes, a lot of screaming, and one giant terd from the baby...HE WAS OUT!!!

Dad was eccentric. He was jumping around giving high fives thanking everyone for their help. Mom was exhausted and with little strength she had she uttered the following:

Whoever was holding my right leg...You did a great job.

I'm not gonna lie. I felt special. It was one of the few moments of the past 3 weeks that a really truly enjoyed. At least I can go ahead and cross OB/GYN off my list as a possible career choice. Lets hope I can stave off insanity for the second half of this experience. I'll just have to pray that I rack up a couple more shout outs from my patients.

The Big Show

**I was browsing through my old archives from back in the day. This little ditty made me smile. Happy New Year boys and girls. More stories to come...


I can't believe the month of October is nearly over. On top of that. I can't believe I just finished 5 weeks of surgery. I have to admit it has been a blast. The hours are long, but bearable. I'm not a complete zombie as I was expecting. I've worked with some interesting characters and seen some amazing things.

The past 2 weeks I've been on the Surgical Oncology team. Our given team name is the "Eagle Team". "Look up and we will poop in your eyes!" You know the rotation is fun when you have your own team name. This week our intern has been gone so myself and the other medical student had to step up our games and pick up the slack. Looking back, I think we did pretty good. Good enough to get our picture taken as a matter of fact...let me explain.

We had a huge anticipated surgery on Monday. It was a big liver resection for a tumor of unknown origin. This bad boy was huge on the CT scan. Our whole team was excited to take it out. We hit the OR and it was intense. The head of the Surgery Dept. was on double red alert to come and help us take it out. Fortunately, I was available so his presence was unneccesary. It was such a huge occasion we called Medical Photography to come check this gumba out and document this monstrosity.



It was awesome. Not only did we get a great photo, but we documented my "New Hotness" in the operating room. Eat your heart out ladies...I'm Taken!



Let's hope I can knock the dust off and get back to business when OB/GYN starts up next week after this 3 week break of complete mindlessness.