Down With The Sickness?

Last week I came down with some strange mystery illness. It was so bad I had to make a trip to the local clinic and get a rapid strep test. The test was negative so I was denied antiobiotics (insert bitterness here). The doctor kicked me to the curb and I was unfortunately left to my own devices...so I overdosed on Wal-borne and Wal-profen (the knockoff versions of Airborne and Ibuprofen) and eventually got over it sometime last week.

Well, I thought I was in the clear until the Hunny Bunny came down with the same thing. She's been home all day playing with the dogs (let me express my jealousy here) and coughing up all kinds of fun stuff (just like I did last week!). It hasn't been pleasant, but she's a trooper. Anywho, it got me thinking about something and magically I stumbled upon my favorite comic strip from my undergrad years. I think it fits fantastically as we sort out who's coughing up what in this household...

Poppycock

Recently I've been thinking a lot about my future. Not by choice, as many of you know I hardly think at all. But this time it's being forced upon me. We have to "choose" our schedules for our 3rd year of medical school by the end of this week. People keep telling us it really doesn't matter, but when you get down to the nitty-gritty...it really does.

Currently my leaning toward a specialty is Urology. I think if your an up-to-date reader of this blog you understand why. Since Urology is a "subspecialty" of surgery I have been advised NOT to rotate through surgery first next year. See, the key during your rotations is to basically show up and brown-nose for a number of weeks at a time. The more you brown-nose, the better grade you will recieve and so on and so forth. Apparently medicine is just one large butt-kissing totem pole. And at this time, I'm at the very bottom. Therefore, to get to the top of the totem pole, you want to perfect these so called "butt-kissing" skills before you show up in the rotation you might want to go into.

BUT, thereinlies the problem. Nobody is 100% sure of what they want to go into right now, at best it's just a "guestimation". I have some other areas I still want to check out, like the emergency room and anesthesiology to name a couple. Both of which ARE NOT on our schedule to rotate in next year.

So I meandered into the office today to try to get some light shed on this subject. Apparently in order to rotate through the ER, you have to be a fourth year. This poses a problem since by this time you are already scheduling away rotations at other hosipitals and setting up interviews for the "specialty" you want to go into. To add to the fire, when I asked about anesthesiology (also a surgery subspecialty) they allegedly DO NOT allow people to do two of these rotations in one year. So again, I would have to wait until fourth year to try this out as well.

If you ask me, this is a bunch of shennanigans. I mean C'mon. Everyone tells us to pick a field that we enjoy and love doing everyday because we'll have to do it the rest of our lives, then they go and tie our hands behind our backs and keep us away from all the cool rotations until it's too late to matter. I can just see the adminstration slapping high-fives anytime some punk 2nd year like me comes in and asks the same questions. They probably even bust out their little flasks of Brandy and toast each other knowing that they just created another disgruntled medical student who is stuck doing family practice.

Well I'm on to their tomfoolery. And rest assured that I'll beat the system. Ah Jota always finds a means to scam his way into something and out of family clinic. I just have get all the whining and complaining out of me first.....ahhhhh that's better.

It Was Sublime

Tonight I embarked to make myself a late evening snack of the most delicious soup in the world...Top Ramen. It looked like an ordinary package, but as I was taught growing up, you can never judge a book by it's cover. I opened this beautiful little bag of crispy noodles and to my glory 2 PACKAGES OF BEEF FLAVORING FELL OUT!!! It was a divine experience. I'm a little winded from dancing around the house in glee. Well, enough procrastinating. It's time to enjoy this wonderful treat and bask in all the pulchritude of this momentus occasion...Time to enjoy double the flavor of beefy little noodles made with love.

Finally In The Driver's Seat***

Well yesterday marked the beginning of my second semester of "preceptorshiphood", or whatever you want to call it. It was exciting. It was good to be back in the clinic. The smell of stagnant urine, antibacterial hand sanitizer, and chocolate brought back so many fond memories. Not only did the nurses remember who I was, but they loved my newfound glorious hair. I will remark that none of them were permitted to touch it, that priveledge is reserved for a select number of "special people" in my life.

The clinic was hopping. Patients were late for their appoinments, Dr. C was making runs to the OR, it was madness. I was even left unsupervised for a remarkable amount of time, which is never a good thing. I actually have a little disclaimer written on my shirt tags specifying not only the shirt's washing instructions, but also scenarios in which I am to be monitered at all times. Surprisingly enough, The Clinic is ONE of those places where I am not to be left "alone". So while Dr. C was gone, I saw patients, advised them on which surgeries to undergo, and passed out samples of Cialis*. It was almost as glorious as my hair!!

Shortly after I was reprimanded for my actions, we went back to work. Seeing patients with the intent NOT to do any harm. And then it came...My "right of passage". We were about to examine a new patient and I was offered the drivers seat. Yes, the coveted stool so I could nestle up close to the patient and do the exam myself. What was I about to investigate you ask, well I was looking for the elusive cystocele. With speculum in hand I assumed the position:



Ok, so it didn't quite look like this. I am much handsomer** than this guy. My skin is a golden brown, my hair is beautiful, and the lights were on in the room so a headlight was not necessary. Seriously, is this guy looking to excavate a coal mine???

Anyways, it was my first female exam on a real patient. It was a great experience. I knew what I was looking for, found it, touched it, and gave my patient a celebratory high five all in one quick flawless motion. Dr. C later remarked to me that I was moving up in the world. It was the "New Year" so I have more priveldges than before. Apparently that means I'm allowed to talk to and touch patients now. I have to say, I'm a big fan of my new responsibilities. They're way better than having to clean bedpans and fetching coffee for the residents.

With all that said, it was a good day. I learned a lot and proved that I'm handy with a speculum...if only that were "socially acceptable" outside of a hospital setting. I can't wait till next week. Maybe I'll get to prescribe meds...stay tuned.



*I'm embellishing a bit. Because it was brought to my attention that Cialis does not pass out samples since their stock has plummeted in recent months.

**If this isn't a word...it is now!

***This post is not for those with weak stomachs, under the age of 22, have symptoms of dizziness, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, anemia, throbocytopenia, or allergies to sulfa drugs or cats. The Hunny Bunny holds the right to remove said article from the World Wide Web if the content offends any of the above persons. Proceed at your own risk.

Maximum Density

Well it has been an eye-opening week. School started, the dryer broke, and the scale told the truth. Yeah, you heard me. I tested the waters in the bathroom on Sunday night and I was disgusted at what I saw. After the Hunny Bunny denied that I had gained any weight, I waltzed right into the bathroom and left in shock. I was ashamed. I crawled back into bed with my tail between my legs to report the depressing news to my wife. TEN POUNDS!! In one semester I've managed to pull this magnificent feat off. And this weight is definitely NOT muscle.

I have to admit I knew it was true before the scale. I noticed over the past couple of months that it takes a little more "work" to wiggle into dress pants. I'm careful about the way I manuver in them so the structural integrity of the seam isn't tested too often. Belts are merely an accesory for some of my jeans, they're not needed to hold anything up...My fat butt takes care of that these days. I guess I just didn't want to admit it until Sunday night. I tried to avoid the inevitable by justifying these phenomena. I would tell myself that my clothes have been shrinking in the wash or that I was taller (since that translates into tighter fitting clothing). I was making excuse after excuse until that number flashed on the screen of our fancy digital scale (thanks Beez). It became real at that instant...I had reached the point of maximum density.

So what am I doing to fix this. I had a salad for lunch today. On top of that, The Hunny Bunny and I have made it to the gym the last two nights and put in a couple of miles on the treadmill. I've also tried burning calories by screaming at pedestrians as they walk past my house. That didn't work all that well since I would spend the following hour cowering in the corner hoping that the police had not been phoned.

Well it is the New Year so I'm pretty sure we all have our resolutions. You can probably guess that mine is to get as far away from maximum density as possible. I hope all of you stay away from it too, because we all know they don't make dress pants like they used to.

Merry New Year

Well it has been such a busy couple of weeks I don't even know where to begin. I've been on my lustrious winter-break, and so far it's been rather busy. Christmas this year was celebrated on both sides of the country by The Hunny Bunny and I. First we hung out in Globe, AZ with my family for a "Mexican Christmas". It was great. All 7 of my grandma's kids, 11 grandkids, and who knows how many great grandkids and significant others crammed into her house for a couple of days of Christmas glee. After a gift exchange I sat down and consumed a few tamales which was like opening my own little presents for a half an hour.

Christmas day we got our stuff together and drove to the airport and jumped ship to sunny Florida, "The place where your underwear sticks to your butt". It was great. We landed and got to open even more gifts. We made out like bandits. After a busy week of Churchin', sight seein', and sleepin' we were exhausted. We rang in the new year only to wake up 3 hours later to head back to the airport and fly home.

Yesterday we were zombies. We didn't speak much, it was more of a gurgle when either one of us tried to open our mouths and talk. I surprisingly made it through the drive back to Tucson from Phoenix and watched the entire first half of the Rose Bowl. The Hunny Bunny had to tell me who won since I didn't survive the halftime show.

All-in-all it was a great year. I tied the knot in marriage, traveled halfway around the world, moved into our own little townhouse, it was great. I have more than enough to be thankful since none of this I deserve. 2006 was amazing, now let's wait and see how 2007 treats us. Until then, its time to enjoy the rest of my week off...

Finals Fever

Well kids and kiddies its that wonderful time of year again, and I'm not talking about Christmas. I've been living in the library for the past 2 weeks ingesting a steady diet of caffeine and government cheese. That is the reason I've been MIA from everyone's radar screens. A couple quick observations from my head:

Things I'm not sure of:

I currently have no idea what day it is, what time it is, or even my own name. I don't even know how I navigated to this website.

Things I AM sure of:

That my first test today (Virology) sucked. There was a significant number of questions on things that weren't even in the notes. Why would you do that? I'm pretty positive I'm a little more crazy than before and I am in a constant state of "Irritability" (the Hunny Bunny is not pleased with this part).

A brief example of my irritablilty:

Just now while returning from an extended lunch after our first exam we passed an undergrad who just finished interviewing for next years incoming class. I offered no "hello, hope it went well"...of course not. I'm in too much of a bad mood. Instead I encourage her with these words of wisdom, "It's not too late to change your mind". Shes probably driving home thinking about getting a job a Starbucks and living the good life all becuase of some mad-at-the-world medical student. Oh well, it's way better than what i'm doing right now...

Anywho, I hope this made sense to at least one person and I apologize for my incoherent thoughts. The keyboard looks fuzzy from the lack of sleep mixed with the coffee I just spilled on them. Next time, I promise I'll be in a better mood. Cheers.