Just finished my first night of Trauma Call. I stood on my feet for approxamately 22 hours straight. I got 45 minutes of sleep, worked a 28 hour shift, and I currently can't spell my own name.
Apparently AK-47's are the new rage in this lovely city. I walked right into a bloodbath at 0530 yesterday morning. Five gang bangers decided to have target practice on each other while being strung out on coke, weed, and Jim Beam. I enjoyed playing in your abdomen's fella's.
But it was all made worth it at 0330 this morning when drawing blood from a femoral artery of a male pt. Right before the needle went in we heard the following words:
PLEASE don't mess up my BIKINI LINE!!!
I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard. He had just dumped his boyfriend...who apparently didn't take it too well. You can do a lot of damage with an empty beer bottle, especially after it breaks.
People in this town are crazy. I need to go to bed before I end up like them.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
Top Reasons Why I Will Miss Family Medicine
Well today was my last official day as a "Family Practitioner In Training". I have mixed feelings as we finished up today. There were somethings that I loved (see below) and some things that I just couldn't stand. All in all, if you twisted my arm hard enough I can't completely rule out Family Med because of the sweet lifestyle. I mean, when the Hunny Bunny and I start multiplying like actual rabbits and not just having cute nicknames...it would be nice to actually watch my Little Bunny Foo-Foos grow up. These are things you need to think about if your in my position. But, not to digress here are some of my highlights of Family Medicine:
Telling patients they don't need antibiotics. Just take a little Gatorade, some Ibuprofen, and call us if anything changes.
My Doctor telling me to grab some samples of Flonase for a patients BPH. When I corrected him, he replied "Tell the patient to stick it up his butt...at least he won't get nasal polyps."
Running With Scissors.
Half Day Wednesdays.
Sleep-In Thursdays.
Patients constantly asking me if I have graduated High School. WAIT. That was definitely not a positive.
Telling a Nurse that next week we would practice her "Shapes and Colors" since she seemed to have her numbers down.
BBQ at the Doctors house and pretending that I too was a Doctor.
Free Drug Rep Lunches every single day. I really noticed the difference in my bank account over the past 6 weeks.
Getting home at 5PM.
Studying was not necessary or even a distant thought in my mind for 6 weeks.
Seeing a urine specimin that looked like grapejuice.
Almost convincing a nurse to give that urine sample to D-Rock and telling him it was grapejuice.
Calling out Drug Reps when they made completely erroneous claims for a drug.
A doctor coveting my Ties.
Free drug samples.
Selling my free drug samples at the Swap Meet.
Meeting a mother of a girl I mistakingly dated in High School. AWKWARD.
Free Drug Rep Pens and Paper.
Looking really smart when the CNA's asked really simple questions like: "What does BPH stand for?"
Giving Rectal Exams....Psssssyyyycccc!!!
Having a 70 year old woman say to me, "If I was only 50 years younger again"
Being invited to the office Christmas Party in September
40 hour work week.
As you can see. The last 6 weeks had it's moments. But now, its time to get serious. I start Surgery in 3 days. Orientation starts at 6:30 in the morning. I'll be learning how to suture on a rat first thing in the morning. That sounds pretty cool if it wasn't so darn early in the morning. I miss Half Day Wednesdays already. Tear.
Telling patients they don't need antibiotics. Just take a little Gatorade, some Ibuprofen, and call us if anything changes.
My Doctor telling me to grab some samples of Flonase for a patients BPH. When I corrected him, he replied "Tell the patient to stick it up his butt...at least he won't get nasal polyps."
Running With Scissors.
Half Day Wednesdays.
Sleep-In Thursdays.
Patients constantly asking me if I have graduated High School. WAIT. That was definitely not a positive.
Telling a Nurse that next week we would practice her "Shapes and Colors" since she seemed to have her numbers down.
BBQ at the Doctors house and pretending that I too was a Doctor.
Free Drug Rep Lunches every single day. I really noticed the difference in my bank account over the past 6 weeks.
Getting home at 5PM.
Studying was not necessary or even a distant thought in my mind for 6 weeks.
Seeing a urine specimin that looked like grapejuice.
Almost convincing a nurse to give that urine sample to D-Rock and telling him it was grapejuice.
Calling out Drug Reps when they made completely erroneous claims for a drug.
A doctor coveting my Ties.
Free drug samples.
Selling my free drug samples at the Swap Meet.
Meeting a mother of a girl I mistakingly dated in High School. AWKWARD.
Free Drug Rep Pens and Paper.
Looking really smart when the CNA's asked really simple questions like: "What does BPH stand for?"
Giving Rectal Exams....Psssssyyyycccc!!!
Having a 70 year old woman say to me, "If I was only 50 years younger again"
Being invited to the office Christmas Party in September
40 hour work week.
As you can see. The last 6 weeks had it's moments. But now, its time to get serious. I start Surgery in 3 days. Orientation starts at 6:30 in the morning. I'll be learning how to suture on a rat first thing in the morning. That sounds pretty cool if it wasn't so darn early in the morning. I miss Half Day Wednesdays already. Tear.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Running With Scissors
Since Peas was irate from my lack of blogging...I thought I would update the blog at least once this month. Life has been good on Family Medicine. I get out at 5 on most days and there is even "Half-Day-Wednesdays" where I get to play golf in the afternoons. Basically, for the last two weeks I've been spoiled and I get to keep it up for the next four weeks.
Today we were extremely busy. Patients coming out our ears. I had a great patient. Vietnam Vet, funny, old, etc. You know they're cool (or weird) when they are joking around when you are about to give them a Rectal Exam (or as I told him, The One Finger Salute). I'm not sure if I offended him with that joke or not yet. Anyways, his face was covered in Seborrheic Keratosis as demonstrated by this old man's back below (thanks Mayo Clinic):
They were of varying sizes. Some were small and a couple of them looked like a ferret pooped on the man's face. In other words...they were huge. Apparently the protocol for these bad boys is you just cut them off with a pair of scissors and watch them bleed. Seems savage enough to me. So the doctor showed me once and then gave me the scissors and I went to town. I chopped off about 15 little terds off his face. I went through seven or eight 4x4 inch gauze pads just covered in blood. The patient joked he was going to need a transfusion at the end of the procedure. I was actually considering it as a real option. I wonder what was more terrifying for this poor guy, The Vietcong or Ah Jota weilding a Battle Ax. My gut tells me it was the latter.
I often wonder who in their right mind would let a third year medical student jam a pair of razor sharp scissors in their face and be totally cool with blood pouring down their cheeks. I guess there has to be a first time for everyone...but you can bet your rear-end no med student will ever be lunging at me wtih a sharp metal object. I'd make sure to impale them before they ever got to me. I can't wait till I get to surgery so I can do this stuff everyday.
Today we were extremely busy. Patients coming out our ears. I had a great patient. Vietnam Vet, funny, old, etc. You know they're cool (or weird) when they are joking around when you are about to give them a Rectal Exam (or as I told him, The One Finger Salute). I'm not sure if I offended him with that joke or not yet. Anyways, his face was covered in Seborrheic Keratosis as demonstrated by this old man's back below (thanks Mayo Clinic):
They were of varying sizes. Some were small and a couple of them looked like a ferret pooped on the man's face. In other words...they were huge. Apparently the protocol for these bad boys is you just cut them off with a pair of scissors and watch them bleed. Seems savage enough to me. So the doctor showed me once and then gave me the scissors and I went to town. I chopped off about 15 little terds off his face. I went through seven or eight 4x4 inch gauze pads just covered in blood. The patient joked he was going to need a transfusion at the end of the procedure. I was actually considering it as a real option. I wonder what was more terrifying for this poor guy, The Vietcong or Ah Jota weilding a Battle Ax. My gut tells me it was the latter.
I often wonder who in their right mind would let a third year medical student jam a pair of razor sharp scissors in their face and be totally cool with blood pouring down their cheeks. I guess there has to be a first time for everyone...but you can bet your rear-end no med student will ever be lunging at me wtih a sharp metal object. I'd make sure to impale them before they ever got to me. I can't wait till I get to surgery so I can do this stuff everyday.
Monday, August 13, 2007
More Than Meets The Eye...*
Last friday I finished six weeks of pediatrics. In all honesty, I had a lot of fun. The doctors were great, the residents were fun, and the kids were just hilarious. I think it's the only time I'll be able to get away with tickling a patient during a physical exam. Anywhere else I would have a sexual harassment suit slapped on me so fast my head would spin. But it wasn't all fun and games. Sometimes the rotation was BIG and it was UGLY...let me explain.
I was on call on a Saturday and I came stumbling into the wards right on time. While I was walking in I noticed an ambulance parked outside...curious. I went in and we were busy. Admits from the night before and two just arriving with me, one of which via the ambulance parked outside. There are only two residents who work the weekends, so obviously they were busy. I decided to help out I would admit one of the patients that just walked through the door. The residents were grateful for the help. But just as I was about to turn the corner, one of them grabbed me and told me the one thing that any medical student dreads..."The caretaker is a Transgender". I wasn't too sure what that word meant, but from his tone, I knew that I was going to have my hands full as I entered the patients room.
I shuffled into the room and next to our tiny little nursing tech stood a massive he/she. I walked up to take the history as I stood in his/her shadow that stretched across the room. I guess the thing that made this entire experience so difficult was I couldn't convince myself of this persons sex. It makes it hard when I'm not sure whether to address a person as "Sir" or "Ma'am". His giant stature, long hair, and 1970 verbage that he rambled off to me suggested this was just a large male hippy. However, the shaved legs and obtuse chest hinted at the opposite gender. It's been a long time since I have been that confused. It was kinda like watching the beginning of Transformers where the crappy little Camaro changed into an awesome fist throwin', butt-kickin', protector of the universe giant robot (Robit, if you are speaking the Queen's English). But instead of this beat up Camaro changing into something awesome, it turned into an Oldsmobile...or something of that nature.
Maybe the resident was wrong and was just equally as confused and just wanted me to be as lost as he was. Who knows. In the end it really doesn't matter. He/she was as helpful as he/she could have been. I was able to get a complete history with very little holes about a patient who threw food and elbows at the nurses and later in the week tried to escape from the hospital. I love it when cartoons and subsequent movies can teach you lessons about life. You can just hear the theme song now...
*This post was not meant to offend. I apologize ahead of time for any mental anguish my jabberings might have caused.
I was on call on a Saturday and I came stumbling into the wards right on time. While I was walking in I noticed an ambulance parked outside...curious. I went in and we were busy. Admits from the night before and two just arriving with me, one of which via the ambulance parked outside. There are only two residents who work the weekends, so obviously they were busy. I decided to help out I would admit one of the patients that just walked through the door. The residents were grateful for the help. But just as I was about to turn the corner, one of them grabbed me and told me the one thing that any medical student dreads..."The caretaker is a Transgender". I wasn't too sure what that word meant, but from his tone, I knew that I was going to have my hands full as I entered the patients room.
I shuffled into the room and next to our tiny little nursing tech stood a massive he/she. I walked up to take the history as I stood in his/her shadow that stretched across the room. I guess the thing that made this entire experience so difficult was I couldn't convince myself of this persons sex. It makes it hard when I'm not sure whether to address a person as "Sir" or "Ma'am". His giant stature, long hair, and 1970 verbage that he rambled off to me suggested this was just a large male hippy. However, the shaved legs and obtuse chest hinted at the opposite gender. It's been a long time since I have been that confused. It was kinda like watching the beginning of Transformers where the crappy little Camaro changed into an awesome fist throwin', butt-kickin', protector of the universe giant robot (Robit, if you are speaking the Queen's English). But instead of this beat up Camaro changing into something awesome, it turned into an Oldsmobile...or something of that nature.
Maybe the resident was wrong and was just equally as confused and just wanted me to be as lost as he was. Who knows. In the end it really doesn't matter. He/she was as helpful as he/she could have been. I was able to get a complete history with very little holes about a patient who threw food and elbows at the nurses and later in the week tried to escape from the hospital. I love it when cartoons and subsequent movies can teach you lessons about life. You can just hear the theme song now...
*This post was not meant to offend. I apologize ahead of time for any mental anguish my jabberings might have caused.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Tag Team
Well I know I've been in school for almost three weeks now and haven't mentioned a single thing about what my third year of medical school has been like. For those of you out of the loop, I started with Pediatrics. So far it has been awesome. I'm on outpatient so we've had SWEET 9-5 hours the entire time. It has been glorious. On top of that...the doctors are great. Just about all of them have a great sense of humor and love helping you out. The best part about it is they are fully aware that this is our first rotation so they cut us a lot of slack...sometimes a little too much (it makes me worry for when I hit my surgery rotation in a couple of months).
Anyways. I'm sure you're just dying for a fun anecdote from 3OPC (that's the outpatient clinic in case you thought I had joined a gang). Well sometimes when it's slow Beez and I team up and see a patient together to kill some time...a "Tag Team" if you will. Well today we had a pretty decent case. After we suited up...we came up with this....
Yes on clinic days we wear the same underwear. And since it was Thursday, we wore his colors. The kids really like it when we dress up. The doctors were reluctant when we came in all oiled up, but I think it's grown on them. But, back to the task at hand. This is how the kid presented:
Our 14 year old came in after he had been diagnosed with pink eye 5 days ago. He has been taking his antibiotics as scheduled and his eye is now worse. The discharge from his eye is clear and his sclera is "super-red" (more red than normal). Now he complains that it feels like something is in it, pain with movement, and photophobia. Well Beez and put together a great workup and we were pretty confident that it was a viral conjunctivitis and were ready to send him on his way.
Well the after we were pimped in the conference room, we had a little work to do. We went back in to see the patient and the doctor was convinced that this wasn't a virus. Now we concerned that this kid had Glaucoma, Corneal Abrasion, or Herpetic Keratitis (Yes I know this is a virus, but a little more serious than the one's we were thinking of). In a matter of five minutes we were on the phone with Opthamology trying to get this poor kid seen IMMEDIATELY!! Apparently he could be blind before the morning. So much for sending him home with a pat on the back and a note telling him to put a cold compress on it. Samsonite! We were way off!
Maybe our matching underwear was on too tight. Or maybe we still have a lot to learn (I like to think that it's the latter becuase I really like Killer Bee Thursday). But apparently the "practice" of medicine takes a lot of practice (that was clever!). I wish someone would have told me that this isn't as easy as watching an episode of Scrubs. I guess this Tag Team still has some kinks to work out before our Pay-Per-View special.
Anyways. I'm sure you're just dying for a fun anecdote from 3OPC (that's the outpatient clinic in case you thought I had joined a gang). Well sometimes when it's slow Beez and I team up and see a patient together to kill some time...a "Tag Team" if you will. Well today we had a pretty decent case. After we suited up...we came up with this....
Yes on clinic days we wear the same underwear. And since it was Thursday, we wore his colors. The kids really like it when we dress up. The doctors were reluctant when we came in all oiled up, but I think it's grown on them. But, back to the task at hand. This is how the kid presented:
Our 14 year old came in after he had been diagnosed with pink eye 5 days ago. He has been taking his antibiotics as scheduled and his eye is now worse. The discharge from his eye is clear and his sclera is "super-red" (more red than normal). Now he complains that it feels like something is in it, pain with movement, and photophobia. Well Beez and put together a great workup and we were pretty confident that it was a viral conjunctivitis and were ready to send him on his way.
Well the after we were pimped in the conference room, we had a little work to do. We went back in to see the patient and the doctor was convinced that this wasn't a virus. Now we concerned that this kid had Glaucoma, Corneal Abrasion, or Herpetic Keratitis (Yes I know this is a virus, but a little more serious than the one's we were thinking of). In a matter of five minutes we were on the phone with Opthamology trying to get this poor kid seen IMMEDIATELY!! Apparently he could be blind before the morning. So much for sending him home with a pat on the back and a note telling him to put a cold compress on it. Samsonite! We were way off!
Maybe our matching underwear was on too tight. Or maybe we still have a lot to learn (I like to think that it's the latter becuase I really like Killer Bee Thursday). But apparently the "practice" of medicine takes a lot of practice (that was clever!). I wish someone would have told me that this isn't as easy as watching an episode of Scrubs. I guess this Tag Team still has some kinks to work out before our Pay-Per-View special.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Aurora, Ohio?
Well I'm off to a wedding this weekend. Let me be the first to tell you my disappointment. When I first heard the name of the town it was going to be in, I was psyched. We were going to Aurora! The breeding ground of the 1992 smash hit comedy, Wayne's World! My heart was set on seeing all the sights from the movie and walking where the voice of Shrek walked. I was even ready to head to this restaurant to give this a try...
BUT...since I'm not very good with my abbreviations, OH apparently means Ohio...NOT Illinois. We're going to a completely different state! My hopes and dreams were crushed when I came to this realization. I was so frustrated I even looked up how many cities in America with this name there actually were...the answer is 8 if you're curious. FYI, it's also my grandma's name. But I had already ruled her out because I was pretty sure the wedding wasn't going to be at her house. To my knowledge, she wasn't even invited to this wedding...that could have been awkward.
Nonetheless, the only thing keeping hope alive is seeing my wife as a bridesmatron this weekend (did you know that's what they're called when they're married?). If you answered yes to this question...YOU'RE A LIAR! I can't wait to see her walk down the isle in a Pepto-Bismol Pink bridesmatron dress. Whatever stomach ache I still have from getting the state wrong is going to cured in an instant when I see that dress on Saturday. But, if that doesn't work...I'll still download Bohemian Rhapsody onto my iPod to help get me through the weekend...
Here I come Ohio!
BUT...since I'm not very good with my abbreviations, OH apparently means Ohio...NOT Illinois. We're going to a completely different state! My hopes and dreams were crushed when I came to this realization. I was so frustrated I even looked up how many cities in America with this name there actually were...the answer is 8 if you're curious. FYI, it's also my grandma's name. But I had already ruled her out because I was pretty sure the wedding wasn't going to be at her house. To my knowledge, she wasn't even invited to this wedding...that could have been awkward.
Nonetheless, the only thing keeping hope alive is seeing my wife as a bridesmatron this weekend (did you know that's what they're called when they're married?). If you answered yes to this question...YOU'RE A LIAR! I can't wait to see her walk down the isle in a Pepto-Bismol Pink bridesmatron dress. Whatever stomach ache I still have from getting the state wrong is going to cured in an instant when I see that dress on Saturday. But, if that doesn't work...I'll still download Bohemian Rhapsody onto my iPod to help get me through the weekend...
Here I come Ohio!
Friday, June 01, 2007
Study Crazies
First, I apologize for the lack of effort on my blog...wait. No I don't. I'm stuck in the library for 14 hours a day. Cut me some slack...Hyena's. Being cooped up in a room with Beez that long can really do a number on a person's psyche. Unfortunately, that psyche is mine. I have just about reached the threshold for total brain capacity. I noticed that in order to make space for all this new information, a gynormous vien has grown on the side of my forehead. I named it Tommy after UofA Alumn Tom Tolbert:
My vein looks just like him. Trust Me. Where was I? Oh yes. The study crazies. From being cramped in a study room all day memorizing facts like Drucunculus gives you an inflammation and necrosis of your skin after drinking contaminated water really leaves me at a loss of entertainment. So I think my brain has started to compensate by throwing in random "hallucinations" during the day. For example, earlier today whilst studying a Care Bear drove by in his cloud car playing with a Yo-Yo and not wearing a seatbelt. Then a leprechaun wandered in and offered to play me in a game of Uno. I humbly denied. I was in the middle of studying Antibiotics. Then Beez farted. Wait, I didn't imagine that. It occurs roughly every 15 minutes on a daily basis.
Needless to say, the lack of sleep, toxic gas, useless facts have taken a toll on my grey matter. Time to recover. Leepy Leep time for Ah Jota. T-minus 12 days kiddies.
My vein looks just like him. Trust Me. Where was I? Oh yes. The study crazies. From being cramped in a study room all day memorizing facts like Drucunculus gives you an inflammation and necrosis of your skin after drinking contaminated water really leaves me at a loss of entertainment. So I think my brain has started to compensate by throwing in random "hallucinations" during the day. For example, earlier today whilst studying a Care Bear drove by in his cloud car playing with a Yo-Yo and not wearing a seatbelt. Then a leprechaun wandered in and offered to play me in a game of Uno. I humbly denied. I was in the middle of studying Antibiotics. Then Beez farted. Wait, I didn't imagine that. It occurs roughly every 15 minutes on a daily basis.
Needless to say, the lack of sleep, toxic gas, useless facts have taken a toll on my grey matter. Time to recover. Leepy Leep time for Ah Jota. T-minus 12 days kiddies.
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