Running With Scissors

Since Peas was irate from my lack of blogging...I thought I would update the blog at least once this month. Life has been good on Family Medicine. I get out at 5 on most days and there is even "Half-Day-Wednesdays" where I get to play golf in the afternoons. Basically, for the last two weeks I've been spoiled and I get to keep it up for the next four weeks.

Today we were extremely busy. Patients coming out our ears. I had a great patient. Vietnam Vet, funny, old, etc. You know they're cool (or weird) when they are joking around when you are about to give them a Rectal Exam (or as I told him, The One Finger Salute). I'm not sure if I offended him with that joke or not yet. Anyways, his face was covered in Seborrheic Keratosis as demonstrated by this old man's back below (thanks Mayo Clinic):



They were of varying sizes. Some were small and a couple of them looked like a ferret pooped on the man's face. In other words...they were huge. Apparently the protocol for these bad boys is you just cut them off with a pair of scissors and watch them bleed. Seems savage enough to me. So the doctor showed me once and then gave me the scissors and I went to town. I chopped off about 15 little terds off his face. I went through seven or eight 4x4 inch gauze pads just covered in blood. The patient joked he was going to need a transfusion at the end of the procedure. I was actually considering it as a real option. I wonder what was more terrifying for this poor guy, The Vietcong or Ah Jota weilding a Battle Ax. My gut tells me it was the latter.

I often wonder who in their right mind would let a third year medical student jam a pair of razor sharp scissors in their face and be totally cool with blood pouring down their cheeks. I guess there has to be a first time for everyone...but you can bet your rear-end no med student will ever be lunging at me wtih a sharp metal object. I'd make sure to impale them before they ever got to me. I can't wait till I get to surgery so I can do this stuff everyday.