The weekend continued on a very similar note. The bachelor party that at one time was under my complete control was somehow relinquished when I was flying over the state of Ohio. I was informed the plans I made had been changed the minute I landed in NYC. Thankfully, this worked out in a positive note since it turned out to be the shortest bachelor party in history. The Groom was two sheets to the wind in exactly 86 minutes. This prompted an immediate cancellation of all festivities and a return to the hotel to tuck the poor guy in.
The wedding was great. Very formal...very impressive. There were Sabers and everything (not the prehistoric beast, but the sword-like thingy). Good times...Noodle Salad.
However, this weekend also brought me in touch with an old friend from high school. We had fallen out of communication somewhere in undergrad due to his incessant lying and inability to grow up. He had become the epitome of the Peter Pan Syndrome mixed with a touch of Anitsocial Personality and a pinch of Traumatic Brain Injury Induced Psychosis. This bright chap was also a groomsman. Which means I would likely need his help throughout the weekend. Let me tell you, I've had an easier time training wolverines in the Appalachian Mountains than getting this guy to help me.
The weekend came down to one defining moment. Peter Pan had one responsibility all weekend. His job was to return one rental car the day after the wedding just prior to his trip out of the state. This would leave one matching rental car for the Bride and Groom to return themselves en route to their honeymoon in Paris and Rome. At face value, this would leave a novel bystander to believe this is a relatively easy task. Pack rental care with your stuff, insert keys, drive to airport, return keys, flee the country...simple.
Well the next morning I was awakened by a frantic Groom. With his virginity a thing of the past, he had only one concern. That was, there were no keys to his rental car. I stumbled downstairs to offer my assistance. We looked everywhere. We searched the groomsman's rooms from sink to ceiling. We turned the tuxedos inside out with no avail. We were then left with 2 options. Tow the car to the airport (a mere 1.5 hours away) or have a locksmith make a new key. I made the call and spent the next two hours watching someone break into a 2009 Escalade. As I waited, I continued to call said groomsman to ask where he had put the keys in case we overlooked them somewhere...somehow. This however was a moot point since now we had paid $300 dollars to gain access to the car.
The ensuing part of the trip is what irritated me the most. The Bride and Groom so kindly let us hitchhike to the same airport in our hot-wired rental car. En route, finally the groomsman returned our call. And just as any antisocial would do given his predicament...he lied, placed blame on an innocent party, and went on the defensive that anyone could make such an accusation that he somehow screwed up. As we pulled into the rental car lot terrified of paying another $200 in lost key fees, we scrambled for any excuse that might help us avoid the infraction. But to our surprise the manager informed us that this was unnecessary. Unnecessary because our keys were turned in hours before our arrival with the other rental car. As everyone else in our party gasped...I could do nothing but laugh. Not because it was funny, but because I wasn't surprised. Peter Pan had struck again.
With the weekend now far behind us, I'm going to go ahead and take all the glory of holding the grooms hair back as he prayed to the porcelain gods, keeping tabs on Peter Pan for 98% of the weekend (the remaining 2% was nearly disastrous but that's neither here nor there), finding a locksmith, and for no fee at all...fixed the Brides new camera just prior to them boarding their plane to Europe. I think it is only fitting that I wore the same badge as Dupree as the reigning Best Man (BM) of the Decade.
In case you are interested. The badge of honor Dupree so honorably is holding in the movie clip was worn by me the day of the wedding. And I must say...after my Oscar winning performance, it was well deserved.
