Tales from the Crypt?

You know as a parent, you quickly become incredibly protective. Especially fathers. It's your job to chase the ghosts from the closet, use your shoe to kill daddy long legs, and keep unwanted strangers away from your family...especially your kids. The Foof is growing by leaps and bounds and our family is changing everyday with her. This week we faced a very unique challenge. A Nanny. Yes, apparently you need to actually go to the hospital whilest in medical school (Mind you, this is something I have avoided since early November). In addition to that, the Hunny Bunny actually has to work since I actually pay thousands of dollars to show up and work 90 hours a week (makes sense to me). So our ability to pay the bills and have insurance rests on the Hunny Bunnies cute, furry shoulders. This of course leaves us with one small (albeit very cute) dilemma. What does The Foof do during the day? Our options included dropping her off at the local daycare, a zestpool of germs, snot, and poo. We would have to take her in the back everyday and hose her off so the stench wouldn't peel the paint off of our walls. We decided against that. Option 2 (my personal favorite) was to leave her at home with Zed and Ari. They are very attentive and this was the actual reason I invested in two dogs for in the first place. However, this argument was quickly vetoed. So this left us with only one choice. A Nanny.

We used and agency since searching the funny pages for Nannies lead to multiple dead end ads of people who lived in a van and offered free mammograms with their nanny-ing service. Shady. Very Shady. Well Wednesday came and I was very pleased with the nanny we had. She could care less that I was still there getting ready. She was all about Little Bunny Foo Foo. She will be coming back next week. However, on Thursday said nanny was unavailable. We had to request another. As I was eating breakfast, I looked up to observe our new nanny walking up our driveway. This is literally what I saw:



Needless to say, I was worried. This nanny was old and I questioned her competence as well as her hearts ability to actually circulate blood to the rest of her body . She quickly put the baby down and while I was eating and tried to relate every minute detail from the year Nineteen Dickety-Two. She rehearsed how she would fight off sabertooth tigers for food, invented fire, and meet the great General Washington at her log house. I didn't doubt that she did all of these things but now wondered if she would ever stop talking so I could finish getting ready for work. I came home as soon as I could worried that I would have to dust off my own CPR training on my own nanny (whom ironically comes CPR certified). Thankfully, all was well and The Foof was happy to see me home. She cried as soon as I walked in the door so the cryptkeeper had to give her up. I said she was free to go but she stayed for another half hour while I rocked the baby to sleep to finish tracing her family tree back to the Pre-Columbian era.

It goes without saying that we won't be asking her to return. I should ask for at least part of my money back because I need to give The Foof a bath tonight to rid her of the smell of Old Lady Farts. I guess there are some smells you can't protect your children from.