Maximum Density

Well it has been an eye-opening week. School started, the dryer broke, and the scale told the truth. Yeah, you heard me. I tested the waters in the bathroom on Sunday night and I was disgusted at what I saw. After the Hunny Bunny denied that I had gained any weight, I waltzed right into the bathroom and left in shock. I was ashamed. I crawled back into bed with my tail between my legs to report the depressing news to my wife. TEN POUNDS!! In one semester I've managed to pull this magnificent feat off. And this weight is definitely NOT muscle.

I have to admit I knew it was true before the scale. I noticed over the past couple of months that it takes a little more "work" to wiggle into dress pants. I'm careful about the way I manuver in them so the structural integrity of the seam isn't tested too often. Belts are merely an accesory for some of my jeans, they're not needed to hold anything up...My fat butt takes care of that these days. I guess I just didn't want to admit it until Sunday night. I tried to avoid the inevitable by justifying these phenomena. I would tell myself that my clothes have been shrinking in the wash or that I was taller (since that translates into tighter fitting clothing). I was making excuse after excuse until that number flashed on the screen of our fancy digital scale (thanks Beez). It became real at that instant...I had reached the point of maximum density.

So what am I doing to fix this. I had a salad for lunch today. On top of that, The Hunny Bunny and I have made it to the gym the last two nights and put in a couple of miles on the treadmill. I've also tried burning calories by screaming at pedestrians as they walk past my house. That didn't work all that well since I would spend the following hour cowering in the corner hoping that the police had not been phoned.

Well it is the New Year so I'm pretty sure we all have our resolutions. You can probably guess that mine is to get as far away from maximum density as possible. I hope all of you stay away from it too, because we all know they don't make dress pants like they used to.