I have to say the past month as been going pretty well. The majority of my shifts have been in the urgent care/pediatrics section of the emergency department. I like the turnover and the opportunity to play with little kids. For the most part they get my humor...or at least appease me by laughing.
Yesterday was going great until I walked by a patients room. Immediately after a quick glance in I blacked out, peed my pants, and found myself balled up in the corner sucking my thumb. What horrible thing could I have seen within that patient room you ask? No it wasn't a zombie, a mother eating her baby whole, or even worse Nancy Pelosi. It was one of my patients. A mother who's baby I delivered almost 2 whole years ago. This just wasn't any delivery. I had to brush my teeth and shower with bleach for an entire week. The delivery was uncomplicated, but the aftermath has scarred me for life. You see after the baby was out and there was nothing but a pool of blood in between the patients leg (which doesn't bother me one bit) I noticed something. Bubbles. Bubbles that were getting bigger and increasing in size. My heart began to race and beads of sweat accumulated on my brow. What was about to happen I asked myself. I was scared. Then I saw it. A giant brown turd. To make matters worse the patient peeked her head up to see what it looked like and grinned as if she was more proud of the second thing to exit her body that morning. My life has never been the same. I am actually gagging on my own vomitus as I write the post.
I can't take it anymore. I'm going back to my fetal position. Its the only safe place...
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