Library Man's Lyrics

Earlier this weekend I had my Ipod on "Shuffle Mode" and this song came up. It's from Metallica's Reload album and it's called Low Man's Lyrics. It's an oldie but a goodie as we used to say as children. The lyrics were just depressing and inspirational enough for me to make it my Official Theme Song while studying for my Medical Microbiology Final.


The trash fire is warm
But nowhere safe from the storm
And I can't bear to see
What I've let me be
So wicked and worn

So as I write to you
Of what is done and to do
Maybe you'll understand
And you won't cry for this man
'Cause low man is due

Please forgive me

My eyes seek reality
My fingers feel for faith
Touch clean with a dirty hand
I touch the clean to the waste

After I thought about it for awhile I realized that it didn't quite fit me. So I decided to make my own version. It goes a little like this...


The Library is warm
But not from my Thyroid Storm
And I can't bear to see
What Beez has for Me
While I Study On The 3rd Floor

So as I write to you
Of what I Still Have To Do
Maybe you'll understand
And you won't laugh at this Mexitalimer
'Cause Ah Jota is due

Please Excuse Me....

My mind seeks what is itchy
My fingers scratch my A-noose
Touch my Mouth with a dirty hand
Enterobius on my Scotch-Tape

Happy Birthday...To Me!!

I celebrated twenty-four years on planet Earth this week. My favorite thing about birthdays is PRESENTS!!! I received the funniest present thus far in the mail today. It looks a little like this...



If you don't get it...You need to start watching Arrested Development. I'll give you a little background. Tobias is an Analyst and Therapist...an Analrapist. But remember, "It's not the spelling you should be worried about".

The Simple Life

With sadness in my heart, I have to report that today was my last day following Dr. C. It was tough...I'll admit that. Every patient I saw, I had to choke back the tears (OK, not quite). But, I definitely didn't hold back any laughter. I probably erupted one too many times after Dr. C's jokes in front of a patient. The first when he referred to the Cystoscope as the TV and invited a patient's son to come watch TV with us (while we looked for cancer in his father's bladder...it was funny to me!). The second happened to be when a patient mentioned that intercourse had become "better" (less painful) since the last visit. Then mentioned her husband had been away for eight weeks on business. I'm sure you're already laughing so I'll just leave that one alone for now. And for the record...you people have dirty minds.

Anywho, it being my last day and all I felt obligated to buy Dr. C a gift. It's the least I could do since he put up with my shenanigans for entire school year and never even complained. My friends can't even make it an entire day without complaining. I need new friends...tear.

Huh...Ok back on topic. What did I buy him you ask? Well to buy something for a "Doctor", one must think like a "Doctor"... and that's exactly what I did. I made a trip to Borders and purchased two books. Both being a series of books based on the TV Show, Hannah Montana. Now I know what you're thinking...and you're wrong. It was for his two daughters. The show (yes Billy Ray Cyrus is her father) is their favorite in the entire world. So Ah Jota comes through in down the stretch with 2 books that they didn't have yet...BOOOYAAAH. To add to my brown-nosing, I purchased a bottle of kosher wine for him and his wife. What took me back (and simultaneously points to Dr. C's awesomeness) was he didn't even care about the wine. He was fascinated by the books. That's all he talked about as I took my final stroll down the hallway.

I love it when people enjoy the simple things in life. Something I should do a little more often. But at least this little adventure proved 2 things. 1) I'm good a buying presents and 2) I'm extremely good at sucking up. There...that was simple.

Random Motion

Since the Hunny Bunny refers to me as being one of the most random people in the world, I thought what happened this morning was pretty apropos. I had to drag myself out of bed early this morning to take the "Mock Boards". It was no fun at all since I stayed up too late last night watching Blood Diamond (A great flick if you haven't seen it. I liken it to a cross between Hotel Rwanda and Apocalypto). Anyways, after nearly falling asleep a good five times during the exam, I stumbled into the library after I picked up some coffee. Bees just happened to be checking the Intraweb for the Suns score and what time Tiger teed off today (If you were not aware that it is Masters Week...consider yourself on double-secret probation).

Where was I?? That's right. We were standing at the computer talking about what to do with the rest of the day and one of the Librarians approached us. She kinda reminds me of the Lunch Lady from Billy Madison (Mmmmm...Sloppy Joe's). She remarked to us, "Nice day today, you boys going to be playing golf this afternoon?" Strange I know, but all doctors I know play golf so I guess I can understand the stereotype. But she started giving us the 3rd degree on what type of golf balls we liked and which ones she thought were the best...then she invited us into her office. You know my parents taught me when awkward strangers invite you to go places and tell you they will give you something in return, you probably shouldn't listen and follow them around like a lost puppy. It's too bad I'm not a very good listener and curious like a cat (Hence my nickname, "Whiskers"). I guess I couldn't help myself. Librarians always seem so trustworthy and nice. Well as we entered her office we were immediately surrounded by golf balls. It was unbelievable. She lives on a golf course and just scavenges for these things every night. She was even anal enough to separate them out by brand, each brand had its own enormous busket. After Bees and I pulled ourselves together the librarian pulled out a couple of egg containers and filled up one for each of us and sent us on our way.

I doesn't get more random than that. Though I was confused, I sure was happy I walked away with a baker's dozen of slighly used Nike golf balls. Maybe my parents were wrong about strangers this whole time. I wonder how many other free gifts I've been missing out on all my life...