Schooooool's Out....For a Week

Well I know I have been incognito for a little while, believe me if I had it my way that wouldn't have been the case. Sadly, I've been locked away in the library for the past couple of weeks pretending that I'm a medical student. Its been pretty brutal preparing for this round of exams. I've been gone so much my wife didn't even recognize me when I walked through the front door the other night. She screamed and thought that Adam Morrison had come to challenge her to a game of H-O-R-S-E.

Anyways, yesterday I mustered up what little energy I had left and pulled one last hardcore study day. The result: 13 hours straight in the library. Though the rest of the week wasn't as bad as that, it sure felt like it. My only outlet lately has been in my car on the drive home. With my brain resembling the consistency of mashed potatos I click on the radio as I mindlessly weave in and out of on-coming traffic.

What serenades me you may ask? Well, thats the point of this little blog. It is the voice of the one and only Vince Furnier. To the more educated readers, you should already know who that is. To you novices out there, Vince's more well published name is Alice Cooper.



Mr. Nice Guy currently works as a late night DJ for a local radio station that I quickly turn to when I cruise around town any time later than 8 o'clock. This just happens to be every time I leave the library near exam time.

For those of you who are interested, Vince was born in Detroit, Michigan to Ether Moroni Furnier and Ella Mae McCart and after a series of childhood illnesses, he moved to Phoenix, Arizona. His grandfather, Thurman Sylvester Furnier, was an ordained Apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ. I personally met Vince at the ripe young age of 4 years at a church event. As you well know, I can't remember anything past breakfast so the details of this event are known to me only through the stories my mother has told me. But I heard Vince was overcome by my childhood abilities and was forced to cut all ties with me at that time...

Even though the two of us have an obvioius storied history together, he has failed to contact me during his stint as a "hot-shot DJ". I hope he does soon since rumor has it that he has in his possession his grandfather's library which I would salivate at the chance to rummage through given the opportunity. But I can't promise patience forever, I may just have to contact Vince myself to talk about old times and help remind him of his roots....

Meet me at Morrison Avenue

Well with midterms less than a week a time honored tradition was brought back. Every semester the "gang" and I set out to grow Finals Beards. Well, everyone else does and I always seem to fail miserably. I guess I will just have to wait to hit puberty so I can grow hair in funny places and start liking girls. But I digress...since it is only midterms the beard didn't seem so fitting. So thus it was conceived....THE MIDTERM MOUSTACHE.

So about a week ago Montgomery, D-Rock, Beez, Jimmy D and I all began growing our "belly-ticklers". With the exception of Jimmy D, I am a little behind the learning curve. Normally that would bother me but not today....

After sleeping in the morning I took a nice long shower and shaved the peach-fuzz off the rest of my face leaving me with my own personalized "flavor-savor". As I stepped out of the shower, this is what I saw in the mirror:



Yes, I confused myself with the Gonzaga Bulldog star Adam Morrison. For those of you who haven't seen me in awhile my hair is ridiculously long and when it's wet, it just flops all over the place. Granted I'm a little better looking than Morrison as well as a shade or two darker, but the resemblence this morning in the mirror was striking.

So at least for the next two weeks I don't mind that my moustache growing is "sub-par". I'll embrace my Morrison-look-a-like status and maybe even sign some fake autographs while I'm at it.

Fun With Medical Terminology

Surprisingly over the past year and a quarter I've been able to acquire a large repitoire of useless information my professors tell me some day will be useful in saving the lives of my patients. I try not to take it so seriously. So instead, Beez and I have taken it upon ourselves to come up with new applications for common medical terminology we have encountered while in medical school. Here's just a few things we've come up with:

Tamponade - "a situation where fluid collects between the heart muscle and the pericardial sac. The pressure within the sac makes the heart unable to expand and open its ventricles, meaning that no blood flows in or out of the heart. If left unchecked, this condition will end in death."

Our Definition: The worst sports drink ever!

Prostate Chips : "Obtained by a transurethral resection of the prostate, which yields the small "chips" of rubbery prostatic tissue used to diagnose disease."

Our Definition: The worst side dish a person could order.

Bullet Wipe : "A darkened ring around the immediate margins of a bullet hole. This ring of residue is caused by lead being wiped from the surface of the bullet as it passes through the body." (according to our forensic pathology lecture on gunshot wounds)

Our Definition: Toilet paper of the future

Sloughing : "Shedding of endometrial tissue during menarche."

Our Definition: We don't have one, we're just grossed out everytime we hear this term.

Milk Letdown : "Occurs when oxytocin causes contraction of the smooth muscle layer of band-like cells surrounding the alveoli (of the breast) to squeeze the newly-produced milk into the duct system, allowing an infant to be fed."

Our Definition: Again, we don't have one. We just chuckle like a couple of immature 4-year olds when we hear this one.

I know we have many more but since it is so close to midterms...I have bigger fish to fry. This will have to hold you over for now, let me know if you have any that should be added to the list.

Oh, and by the way. Don't call me "immature" for being amused by things of this nature. You know the people who invented each term chuckled just as hard as we do whenever they hear these terms too ;)

Who You Callin' Chicken?

Over the past few weeks I've been exposed to a hilarious sitcom. Apparently it has been pulled from the shelves but it is still available on dvd. Its called Arrested Development. It centers around a crazy family and its business that goes broke and the one sane family member that tries to pull them from the wreckage.

I probably like it so much becuase it sounds a lot like my family. Except my family:

A) Doesn't own a business
B) There isn't one "sane" person left since we all know I don't fit that category
C) There really isn't any wreckage to be pulled from, since we all seem to be doing well for ourselves

Hmmm. Ok I guess I can't draw too many comparisons and probably just like it for the dry, sarcastic humor and the pleasure it brings me outside of any comparisons I try to confabulate.

That long-winded introduction brings me to a point I want to make. The show has an uncanny way of pointing out that somebody is a "chicken". After you clean up from peeing your pants in laughter, please continue reading.

This is so awesome I want to start a trend. Anytime you feel happy, excited, giddy, or just in the mood to make a fool of yourself....you need to perform the chicken dance. ALSO, any time you want to taunt someone I EXPECT you to behave in this manner.

To many I suppose this will sound "silly" or "childish" and to those people I will say, quit taking yourself so seriously. If you bust out with this type of behavior, people will hail you as the life of the party and the funniest person they have met in quite some time. So my suggestion is just to try it. Not only will other people like you, but you'll like yourself more for just stepping out of your comfort zone for once in your life. I ask no monetary reward for helping you down the path of self discovery...just your friendship since I don't have very many friends.

I hope the next time I run into you I'll be a witness to your new-found sense of pride and chicken-dancing ability. You just better not be calling me a chicken....

Quote of the Weekend

"Surlinger" is highlighter-speak for spanish.....what?!?!?!

-Ah Jota

The Monster Known as SWAMBA

Now I know many of you unfamiliar with the term are already shaking in your boots. Some may think its a mystical creature that devour your soul in a blink of its eye, thankfully I am able to say that a guess like that is incorrect. SWAMBA is actually an acronym, so it can't really eat your soul (I hope). It stands for SouthWest Area Missionary Benevolent Association. In short it is the youth group of our church here in the southwest region, of which I belong.

This Labor Day weekend was our annual region campout and boy was it a blast. I had some concerns going in that it wouldn't live up to camps of the past but it did. First of all, this is the first time I was attending camp as a married man, which means no more bunking with the boys. It was just me, the hunny bunny, and any arachnids that could squeeze in through the door frame. Secondly, we had a to have a business meeting during campout. Let me explain the gravity of this situation. By having a business meeting during recreation means no basketball for AJ!!! This was upsetting, but I got over it since in the business meeting The Italian Stallion was elected as the new area president and I got to play basketball on Sunday anyways. So thankfully all of my concerns were addressed and it turned out to be a great weekend.

Saturday camp is more or less kicked off since everyone has arrived by then. We have a short chapel service followed by seminars. Since I have the attention span of a 4 year old, I attended the young people seminar. It was awesome. It coincided with the theme "Ye Who Are Called To Labor" and provided just the boost everyone needed. We discussed a gauntlet of ideas surrounding the theme including what holds us back from doing so, where everyone was able to chime in with what held them back personally from serving the Lord.

The night meeting was powerful and was followed by a bonfire where we had smores (yes I know, smores have nothing to do with the theme but they sure are delicious). I was able to do some catching up with my good buddy Emilio and then went to bed early since I'm an old married man.

Sandwiched between our two services on Sunday we were able to fit in the games which I prepared for the weekend. These were straight from the convoluted thoughts of my own head and one of which went as follows. The Benjaminites (one of the 12 tribes of Israel) had 700 left-handed warriors that could sling a rock at a hair and not miss (Judges 20:16). I was so impressed by this scripture I made a game in honor of it. I thought hair...shaving cream. Rocks....hmmm....can't throw them at church....but you can throw goldfish!!! And the game was born. Throwing goldfish and peoples faces covered in shaving cream, just like its depicted in the scriptures. Here were the winners of this event....



If you look close at this next picture you can see the impish grin on my face because all these people let me cover their faces in shaving cream. Success!!



So I think in the end its pretty self explanatory, church camps can be fun even if you can't bunk with the boys, have to go to a business meeting, and certain individuals (Michella and Lucas Aurelius) manage to testify twice in one meeting. And thus its gets no better than "Loving God, Loving Each Other".....