Fun With Medical Terminology

Surprisingly over the past year and a quarter I've been able to acquire a large repitoire of useless information my professors tell me some day will be useful in saving the lives of my patients. I try not to take it so seriously. So instead, Beez and I have taken it upon ourselves to come up with new applications for common medical terminology we have encountered while in medical school. Here's just a few things we've come up with:

Tamponade - "a situation where fluid collects between the heart muscle and the pericardial sac. The pressure within the sac makes the heart unable to expand and open its ventricles, meaning that no blood flows in or out of the heart. If left unchecked, this condition will end in death."

Our Definition: The worst sports drink ever!

Prostate Chips : "Obtained by a transurethral resection of the prostate, which yields the small "chips" of rubbery prostatic tissue used to diagnose disease."

Our Definition: The worst side dish a person could order.

Bullet Wipe : "A darkened ring around the immediate margins of a bullet hole. This ring of residue is caused by lead being wiped from the surface of the bullet as it passes through the body." (according to our forensic pathology lecture on gunshot wounds)

Our Definition: Toilet paper of the future

Sloughing : "Shedding of endometrial tissue during menarche."

Our Definition: We don't have one, we're just grossed out everytime we hear this term.

Milk Letdown : "Occurs when oxytocin causes contraction of the smooth muscle layer of band-like cells surrounding the alveoli (of the breast) to squeeze the newly-produced milk into the duct system, allowing an infant to be fed."

Our Definition: Again, we don't have one. We just chuckle like a couple of immature 4-year olds when we hear this one.

I know we have many more but since it is so close to midterms...I have bigger fish to fry. This will have to hold you over for now, let me know if you have any that should be added to the list.

Oh, and by the way. Don't call me "immature" for being amused by things of this nature. You know the people who invented each term chuckled just as hard as we do whenever they hear these terms too ;)